


The eye on the sky

by CherryEyes681



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Drama, Eating Disorders, Face Punching, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Gen, Hate, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inferiority Complex, Insecure Shownu, Panic Attacks, Perfectionist Kihyun, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-06-11 18:13:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15321348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryEyes681/pseuds/CherryEyes681
Summary: Sometimes we need a second chance, just to start over again and make the things go further. Monsta X will realize how lucky they are to have Changkyun in their lives and how to deal with all the painful past they had after No Mercy looking to protect their maknae.Or Changkyun learns to forgive his hyungs despite all the pain and isolation he suffered, he realized he love them and that's never gonna change whatever happen.





	1. The second chance

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks to all of you to follow my histories, I'm feeling too bad last weeks and I'm drowned myself with tears and pain, ok... that's not important, I started to have an adiction with I.M-centric fics and I wanted to write one hehehehe. Hope you like it.
> 
> Love you all
> 
> N/A: Sorry for my english grammar

The CEO was looking at them seriously, crossed arms on his chest and the next thing he did was lean back at his seat, a sigh escaped out of his lips and again, he looked at them but now, with sad eyes...

 

"I know you don't understand how we managed things here"

 

All of them avoided the look of the CEO an started to feel uncomfortable, the manager was next to the CEO, with hands crossed on the table trying to not lost his patience.

 

"What are you thinking?, Do you think this kind of attitude it's gonna make you go far?"

"He's a cheater"

 

Said Minhyuk, the other guys give a worried look at him and he was so annoyed that he didn't see how the manager frowned his brows, the CEO sighed again with hands on his forehead.

 

"He's not a cheater, for the nth time"

"Yes, it is... he must never debuted with us"

 

Manager Hongsik growled, the CEO looked at him and make a sign with his head saying him to been calm, he looked at Minhyuk and cleared his throat, he needs to explain all because if he didn't, their project will fall down and maybe all of them would get more angry with the kid isolating him more than they did it.

 

 

"We are the Starship owners, we do what we want, we discover him and we decided to introduce him at the show..."

"At the expense of our friends feelings? Great!"

"The guy is talented, he has an extraordinary voice"

"Lie, Gunhee was better"

 

Minhyuk was still complaining about it, he wasn't happy, even when he was with the other guys, he wasn't happy, he was disappointed, angry and sad... He was focused in one idea: Changkyun's was a cheater, he wouldn't deserve to take part on Monsta X's project.

 

"Maybe is time to tell them the truth"

 

Said Manager Hongsik getting all the guys attention, all of them with confused eyes... well, everyone except for Jooheon, he was focused on Manger Hongsik expression.

 

"The truth?, What are you talking about, Hongsik-ssi?" 

 

Asked Shownu as the CEO sighed once again, he passed his hand over his face and made a deep breath, he looked at the six guys and after he had pass saliva, he open his mouth...

 

"Changkyun was member of an extinct band called N'ubility, one of the many projects of Special K entmt."

 

The guys were shocked, they looked at the CEO waiting for more information and manager Hongsik was not taking his eyes apart of the boys, the CEO continued...

 

"It's supposed that they would be debuted on July 2014 but... Special K was sueded, many projects were cancelled among them N'ubility and before the company was on bankruptcy, they decided to disband the group..."

 

There was a spectral silence inside the room, all the eyes focused on the CEO and after a pause, he decided to finish the story...

 

"All the five members were 'bought' for distinct companies and Starship was one of them, we asked Changkyun to make an audition just to verify that we didn't make a mistake choosing him between his old members"

"What?"

 

Wonho exclamed incensed, his mouth covered with a hand, he was upset... all this time making Changkyun suffer with every word that he said, with every angry look, with every time he was telling to everyone that he missed Gunhee just to made Changkyun feel bad, he had a hearthache and Shownu pat his back...

 

"Now you are feeling guilty?"

"Hongsik... please"

"No Kim-ssi... they were unfair with Changkyun... you don't need to feel guilty, after all... you always think about your old friends, don't you?"

 

 

Kihyun look away, yeah... it was right, Hongsik-hyung was right, they didn't need to feel guilty, they must to feel guilty... they only judged Changkyun without knowing his past, his sadness, his suffer... They are...

 

 

"We are idiots... a bunch of idiots"

"Wow, finally you admit it"

"Stop it... you know the truth... we decided to give a chance to Changkyun and that's why we decided to introduce him at the show..."

"But why at that moment? We were broken... we were so sad because Minkyun left the show... it was unfair!"

"Unfair? What was unfair? Listen, it was a show, maybe for the audience and for you everything was unfair, but that's why No Mercy was a survival show..."

 

 

 

Minhyuk shut up, he still hurt... but on the other hand he was thinking about Changkyun, the poor guy was never able to tell them his problems because anyone wanted to listen to him, they always thinking that the child is a bother.

 

 

"What happened to the other members? Do you know?"

Hyungwon asked to Kim CEO, he sighed and rub his neck...

 

 

"Sincerely, we don't know anything about them... Sorry"

 

 

It was the end of the 'talk', Kim left the room after getting a call leaving the six boys with their manager, Hongsik still in his seat with arms crossed looking at the guys.

 

 

"Now you know... I really hope that this made you open your eyes, yeah, maybe is not gonna be easy but you need, wait no, you must apologize to Changkyun, at least the five of you"

 

 

Hongsik left the room after interchange a look with Jooheon, he looked down and straightenedd his position on his seat, the door closed and all the eyes were on Jooheon.

 

 

"You... You knew that?"

Minhyuk was asking while everyone was waiting for Jooheon's answer, he clicked his tongue and after a couple of minutes he decided to talk.

 

 

 

"I... started talking to him a few days ago, I don't know, it's just that...he's only a child..."

"He's only two years younger than you"

"Yeah... And he's pretty mature to deal with six assholes"

"Jooheon... watch your mouth"

"Sorry Shownu-hyung but it's the thruth..."

 

Everyone looked down, hard breathings and mumbles... They fucked up badly, what would they gonna do now? Just apologize and pretend that nothing happened? Wonho had many questions, he need answers...

 

 

"Jooheonie... How did you know about this?"

"He told me"

"He did it? h-how? he just decided to tell you?

"Well, it was difficult, even for me to accept him but as Hongsik hyung said, in the end, this was a survival show, maybe the producers made the mistake to introduce him at the last chapters but... if he was good enough to stay at the end it's because he deserved it, I'm just face the truth, it's not Changkyun's fault"

 

They looked at Jooheon with wide eyes, Jooheon was one of those that decided to isolate Changkyun but now he was his defender, Shownu decided to use his leader rol and started to talk.

 

 

"We are now a team, a kpop band and a family and it's our duty to apologize to him, all of us must apologize to Changkyun... You understand, right Minhyuk? "

 

 

Minhyuk looked away, sighed and nods crossing his arms, he need to do this for the group's sake, just for that.

After that, they returned to their apartment, one by one the six guys entered the room and decided by their own how to apologize with the little guy, at least five of them... Jooheon walked to the room he shared with Changkyun expecting to see the boy on his bunk covered to the top with the sheets but once he entered the room he realizes it was empty, he wondered where his band mate was and after he gave a quick view to the bunk he stared to a piece of paper on Changkyun's pillow:

"I went out for a walk, I'm coming late. Changkyun"

 

 

 

"Aish, this kid..."

 

 

 

Jooheon left the room and after told to Shownu that he forgot his cellphone on the audience room, he decided to look for the boy by himself, after a few steps, away for their hyung's view, he grabbed his cellphone out of his pants bag and looked for Changkyun's number, quickly he call him...

 

 

 

"Hello?"  
"Kyunnie, it's Jooheon..."  
"Oh... Hi hyung"  
"Where are you?"  
"Uh..."  
"Changkyun, where are you?"  
"Hyung... I... "  
"Please, I wanna talk with you"  
"Right now?"  
"Yeah right now, what's up? You are busy or something like that?"  
"No it's just that... well, I don't know..."  
"Please... please Changkyun"  
"Ah... You are so persistent"  
"Hey, I'm your hyung... where are you?"  
"Starship's rooftop..."  
"What? Why are you there?! Just... Just wait for me, don't do something stupid"  
"Hyung!..."  
"Wait for me!!"  
"Hyung...wait!"

 

 

Jooheon hang up, Changkyun frowned his brows and gave a deep sigh, he sat down on the floor shaking his head chuckling.

 

 

"I wasn't thinking to do something like that, hyung" 

 

 

Jooheon ran as faster as his legs allowed him, he looked for the elevator and he pressed the last button, he was breathing hard, some kind of fear growing inside his chest and a little guilt, as soon as he listened the elevator's bell, he went out and started to looking for the boy, fortunately, Changkyun was with his arms crossed over the rooftop balcony listen to his music with eyes lost in the view.

 

 

"Gosh Kyunnie, you scared me"

"You didn't give me a chance to explain to you"

"Uh... sorry, I was afraid that you would make a bad decision"

"Don't worry, I'm not depressed"

 

 

There was an uncomfortable silence, at least for Jooheon, he cleared his throat and joined the balcony, he sighed looking at the floor.

 

"Uh... We had a talk with the CEO and Hongsik hyung"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah... "  
"..."  
"..."  
"..."  
"You're not going to ask me about what?"  
"No... I'm suspecting about what it was..."  
"..."  
"Was about me right?"  
"yeah... they, they told the truth to the others"  
"fuck..."  
"hey, don't blame"  
"Now they know... Shit"  
"Kyunnie..."  
"Sorry... I was waiting until the right moment to tell them by myself"  
"They decided to reveal it... for your sake, Kim hyung and Hongsik hyun were worried about you and the other's bad attitude"  
"It doesn't bother me... you know that"  
"That's not true... It hurts you, why wouldn't you accept it?"  
"Because I'm not this weak"

 

 

Jooheon passed his arm over Changkyun's back, he chuckles and ruffled the boy's hair, after giving him a sincere smile he focus on the first stars showing across the sky...

 

"Shownu hyung told everyone to apologize with you, they're gonna do it becuse it's correct and you need to feel well"  
"Wow... That sounds exciting"  
"Hey, don't be like that"  
"Ugh, hyung... They gonna do it because of the group's sake, not for me"  
"No, you're wrong... They gonna do it because everyone deserves a second chance"  
"Whatever"  
"Changkyun, promise me that you will acept their apologies... all of them, ok?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Changkyun!"  
"Ugh, ok, ok... I promise you"  
"Pinky promise?"  
"Oh c'mon!... we are not kids anymore!"  
"Please..."  
"Agh, stop pouting, that make me wanna throw up"  
"Please!"  
"Disgusting... Ok, pinky promise"  
"That's my boy"  
"Yeah, yeah... don't hug me"  
"You love hugs!"  
"I don't love it"  
"Yes, you love them"  
"No"  
"Yes"  
"No"  
"Yes!"

 

They returned to the apartment, the rest of the members were surprised to see Jooheon hugging Changkyun, the little one greeted them and he made a walk to his shared room, Jooheon decided to join the couch with Shownu and in the distance, Hyungwon was plaining how to apologize with the kid.


	2. Fixing hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When Hyungwon get sad bring him to Changkyun"
> 
> "My heart is filled but my bank account is empty"
> 
> Two broken souls and two hurt hearts find peace at one broken and hurt one, they realized they may not deserved that amount of love and the other one know he need to help, especially when he heard the pieces crashing on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for continue reading me!! Thanks to the beautiful persons that let comments, you don't how much I thank to you!! So this chapter it's a little long, I decided to change the taggs and put the first ones members to "apologize" to Changkyun soooo, less talk and more reading!!! Hope you like it!!

It was being more difficult than he thought, he was feeling somehow forced, not by Hongsik hyung, it's more like he was forcing himself to do it, every time he was thinking about it he's started to feel like anxiety, he was riddled with nerves.

"Just say it"

He was telling himself each time he has the little one in front of him but his mouth doesn't open, the idea was in his mind, the phrase was in his eyes but nothing, he can't did it.  
He was sitting on the studio's couch when Changkyun left the cabine, he look at him but Changkyun feeling the eyes of the other guy on him decided to avoid the look, Jooheon approached to the boy giving him a pat on the shoulder.

"That was amazing, Changkyun"  
"Thanks...I did my best"  
"Your best? What are you saying? That was awesome"

Changkyun looked down and chuckles, since his debut, Jooheon was taking any moment of the day to praise him and well, it felt weird. Changkyun was still say that he didn't do anything awesome while Jooheon was contradicting him, Hyungwon took advantage of their conversation to make his move...

 

"Honey is right, you did it pretty well"

 

The two rappers stared at him when Hyungwon gave to Changkyun a half smile, the younger looked away focusing on the doorknob, Hyungwon tried to talk to him once again...

 

"I-I think you did it incredible"  
"..."  
"Well, I mean, your voice is..."  
"I've to go"

 

Was the last thing Changkyun said before leaving the room, Hyungwon sighed looking at Jooheon and the second youngest smiled sadly at him, it was too difficult to change his thoughts from one day to the next and it was Hyungwon's first time to get close to Changkyun, he laid back on the couch and look at the roof.

 

"What I'm doing wrong?"  
"He's still hurt, it's not easy, for anyone"  
"I'm trying..."  
"I know" 

 

Jooheon entered into the cabine getting ready for record his part of the song, Hyungwon still thinking what he would do next to try again to apologize to Changkyun, he was asking himself if he was doing this for his own or he was doing this just to pretend that everything was alright.  
Changkyun on the other side was annoyed, he was able to know when people were doing things by choice and when they were doing things for interest, and for him, Hyungwon was doing this for interest, just for that. What could he do? He considered himself a not resentful person but when he looked at the other members, the bad times, the isolation and the insults come back to his mind making him feel sad.  
He wasn't ok and decided to go for a walk again, the best thing he would do it to calm himself is walk, wherever but walk, so he let his feet take him to a wherever place, it doesn't matter, he just wanted to waste time until night falls and come back to the apartment.  
He didn't realize what time was it until his thigh started to vibrate, he sighed, he knew who was it and after two tones he decided to answer.

 

"Hyung... I'm fine"  
"It's so late at all, come back"  
"Just a few minutes"  
"Come back”

 

Jooheon hang up and stared to Hyungwon who was on the room's hall, with a worried face he approached to Jooheon and the other guy left a sigh.

 

"He's coming"  
"Is he ok?"  
"I think so"

 

Jooheon was worried too, all the members were sleeping except Hyungwon and him, it was somehow funny because Hyungwon slept to much but at that night he wasn't able to get sleep, after an hour and a half, Changkyun arrived at the dorm, he took off his shoes and after close the door, he decided to go to the kitchen to eat something, he was close to open the fridge when a cough made him jump.

 

"Who?"  
"Sorry, I didn't want to scare you"  
"Oh... Hyungwon hyung"  
"Yeah, um... listen...it's not correct to wander at these hours outside the dorm"  
"Uh... ok"  
"I mean it, Changkyun... It's dangerous"  
"Yeah ok, I got it"

 

Changkyun was going to left the kitchen when Hyungwon grab his jacket sleeve making him turn his face, the younger was surprised and when he was going to reproach he stopped, Hyungwon was looking at him with a sadly expression and Changkyun didn't know what to do, Hyungwon let him and looked away.

 

"I've try so hard but... I failed"  
"..."  
"It's difficult for me, I'm so bad at this"

 

Changkyun stared at him, Hyungwon was playing with the edge of his hoodie trying to say something that he knew perfectly, he doesn't want to hear it but at the same time he wants to see if Hyungwon was able to do it, so he let his hyung continue...

 

"Changkyun, I'm sorry"  
"..."  
"I want to apologize to you so... I'm sorry"  
"It's ok"  
"What?"  
"I accept your apologies, so let's go to sleep"

 

After that, Changkyun left the kitchen with a half-smile and Hyungwon stayed there, with frowned brows and an empty sensation in his chest, he already apologized to Changkyun so, why was he feeling this way? Now, Changkyun accepted his apology so why was he feeling so broken? Why?

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"No, no, no... You are out of tune, do it again!"

The vocal professor scolded him for the fifth time, he was tired, he was not used to train like this, he left out a deep sigh and continued warm up his voice but when the vocal professor started to play high notes on the piano, his voice trembled once more.

 

"No! It's the sixth time on the day, what are you doing? You need to focus!"  
"I'm trying, it's too difficult for me, I'm not the main vocalist"  
"But you are a singer! At least, an attempt of one"

 

Hyungwong growled, he left the practice room slamming the door and started to run, he doesn't want to stay here, he was tired and frustrated. Why? Why him? He was really trying so hard to sing well but to his professor, he was making a disaster. He entered to a library and looked for something relaxing to read and when he found something, he heard his name out of the lips of a girl walking behind him...

 

"I mean... Hyungwon is so attractive but, just that"

 

He listened carefully, he liked to hear about him because he thought he can get the courage to face his problems when he listened to his fans comments but what he heard broke him to pieces...

 

"Just a pretty face, he's so skinny and a bad singer, do you ever listen to the songs? He always get his voice fixed up, I know now why he didn't get many lines"

 

Broken, he was broken... Now he faced the truth, he wasn't a good singer and he was chosen just for his face, all the rumors were real, they weren't lying when they were saying he was on Monsta X just for his visual and not for his vocal skills, he abandoned the place and looked for a safe one, far away the bad comments about his body, about his voice, about himself, he wanted to disappear, he wanted to be alone.  
Few weeks had passed after Hyungwon apologized to Changkyun and after he accepted, but the truth is that he only said that to evade the situation, so Changkyun stay like always, so indifferent to the others except Jooheon, he knew he need time to forget all the bad moments to make the things going well.  
After his vocal warm up, Changkyun wanted to work on his dance skills, he was conscious he wasn't too pretty like Hyunwoo but he was a good one, so he decided to practice alone just for not to deal with the members glance.  
He entered into the building and took the elevator walking to the dance practice room when he listened music come from inside, he stopped at the front of the door and wanted to knock but the curiosity was bigger and carefully opened the door, he entered slowly and realized the room was half dark, only a few lights are on and he discovered a familiar shape dancing wonderfully in the middle on the floor.  
He was open mouthed, the movements were fluently and excellent, he stayed on there with his eyes lost in the performance and after the music stops, he wanted to congrats the dancer.

 

"Wow!!"  
"Uh...Cha...Changkyun?"  
"Hyungwon hyung? I didn't know you were a choreographer!"  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I...I was planning to practice my dance skills so I came to here and I..."  
"Whatever, I'm going home"  
"Hey... wait! You are awesome! I know Shownu hyung is a pretty good dancer but you are marvel..."  
"Shut up! I don't want to listen"  
"But you are..."  
"Listen Changkyun! I'm not that awesome, ok?! I just a pretty face and that's all, I will never be like Shownu, he is our main dancer and I will never be like Kihyun, ok!?"

 

Hyungwon grabbed his hoodie and left the room leaving Changkyun confused, he never seen his hyung like that, so stressed and so upset, what's with him? Maybe they weren’t closer enough but he wanted to help him.  
At night, all the members were sleeping when Changkyun had the urge to drink some water, it's was too hot in that season and he thoughts he's melting on his bed so he climbed down of his bunk and walked to the kitchen when a sob surprised him, he heard it little far but he let guided himself for the sound to the dorm's balcony, there was Hyungwon, he was curled in the balcony's corner, knees on his chest and sobbing.

 

"Hyung"

 

Hyungwon jumped in his site and stop crying, he was surprised that the little one who he insulted before was in front on him.

 

"Hyungwon hyung..."  
"Go away"  
"Hey, It's okay, I just want to talk"

 

Changkyun sat down in front of him crossing his legs facing to the taller guy, Hyungwon felt uncomfortable, the guy he treated like a bother was trying to talk to him, it was ironic.

 

"What do you want?"  
"Just wanna help you"  
"Leave me alone, Changkyun"  
"Alone? You don't know how hard it's to face the problems alone"

 

Hyungwon was muted, he stared at the younger and he was giving to him a sincere smile, Hyungwon looked away and sighed, he was biting his lip trying not to cry again but was useless, tears started to ride down his cheeks while he chest was painfully hurt and Changkyun approached him sitting next to the guy evolving him with his arms bringing Hyungwon's face to his chest.  
Heart bumping, it was so relaxing and warm, Hyungwon was waiting for someone who hugged him, someone who takes care of him and he buried his face on Changkyun's chest, crying a little loudly and his back was rubbed by a warm and gentle hand.

 

"I'm so sorry Changkyun... I'm so sorry"  
"Shh, it's okay"  
"I'm paying it darely... this is my punish"  
"Don't say that"

 

Changkyun was caressing Hyungwon's hair, the taller one thought Changkyun was more broken than him and maybe he was acting selfish, he didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve to be comforted by the guy he hurt before.

 

"Why did you say that, at the dance room?"  
"I was tired, I didn't mean it"  
"Yeah... I suppose... I know how does it feel to think you are inferior and I know how does it feels to think you are the worst"

 

Hyungwon was listening to Changkyun while the younger was looking at him, he sighed and separated from Changkyun chest, both looking each other, Hyungwon looked away and laid his back on the wall staring at the starry-filled sky.

 

"Why are you so kind with me?"  
"Because you need someone to talk with"

 

Hyungwon was speechless, he was wondering how Changkyun could be so sweet to someone that hurt him so much, he was feeling guilt.

 

"I didn't want to said to you such awful things, I'm not pretend you to feel pity"  
"It's not that, I want to help you because you think you no deserve your place in this band"

 

The taller one hide his face from Changkyun, he gulped and starting play with his hoodie sleeves, he was trying so hard to pretend everything was okay but once he 'realized' he's not too talented, he felt drown and miserable.

 

"I envy you, you have a deep voice, so natural, you are talented"  
"Like everyone else on this group"  
"I'm not talented..."  
"Of course you are, you are a wonderful dancer... maybe better that Shownu hyung" Changkyun whispered to him causing the other to chuckle.  
"Hey, don't say that"

 

One tear was on Hyungwon's eye corner and Changkyun sweetly remove it with his thumb, Hyungwon stared at him sadly.

 

"Hyung... Maybe you are not our main vocalist or our main dancer but everyone have a rol on this band"  
"But what's my rol? I'm not a good singer and anybody can't look how well I dance because I'm always in the back... I'm a shame"  
"I mean it, I even say you have a good voice, I realized when we performed Interstellar"  
"That doesn't count, I'm just only a 'pretty boy', my face hides my lack of skills"

 

Hyungwon looked at Changkyun once more, he was scrolling something on his cellphone and when he founded it, he replied.

 

"I think you only focused on the bad things they were saying to you and not in the good ones"  
"Good ones? They are saying I'm just a visual..."  
"Not all of them, many said that you are a talented actor and a good model"

 

Changkyun showed his cellphone to Hyungwon and he grabbed it, he started to read the comments and he realizes many of them were defending him from the haters, he was surprised.

 

"See? Your fans think you are a talented guy, maybe you can't convince the others with your voice or your dance skills but maybe with something more..."  
"Something more?"  
"I mean, don't you have a secret talent that you want to show them?"  
"Uh... well... I'm not sure if the company let me do it"  
"What is it?"  
"Uh... I... I'm a DJ trainee"  
"WHAT!"

 

Changkyun's face was so cute when he was excited that Hyungwong wants to keep that moment forever, he finally smiled embarrassed for the shiny look that Changkyun was giving to him.

 

"You are a DJ trainee? Wow, that's amazing"  
"Ha... Don't know"  
"Maybe in the future you want to perform a song with me"

 

Hyungwon looked at him happily, he was amazing, his maknae was amazing and he only wants to stay with him, he nods to him and after a few words they decided to go to sleep. When Hyungwon arrived to his shared room, he climbed up to his bunk, talk with Changkyun made him break free a little, his insecurity vanished and he slept peacefully that night.  
The next morning after his group dance practice, Hyungwon walked towards Changkyun who was sitting on the floor drinking up his water bottle, in sight of everyone, he asked to the maknae.

 

"Wanna go for a coffee?"

 

Changkyun was open mouthed, he blinks a couple of time before nodding and when Hyungwon started to walk to the door, Changkyun followed him, they are walking on the hall when Hyungwon passed an arm grabbing Changkyun's shoulder, he laid his head a little to face the younger.

 

"Changkyunnie..."  
"Yes?"  
"Thank you"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

_"We only do this because he deserves a chance like everyone else"_  
_"He was part of an extinct group..."_  
_"He was 'bought' just like his old mates"_  
_"We needed to know that we didn't make the wrong decision choosing him"_

 

Each tough pulled him to punch even harder, he was angry, with everyone, with his bandmates, with his CEO, with his manager, he was angry with himself, why he didn't tell them what's going on?

_"Because he is afraid of you"_

 

He grumbled, he hit the punching bag one more time, then another, and another time until he was terribly angry that he grabbed the bag and started to kick it growling.

 

"Dam it, dam it!"

 

He stopped, he laid on his knees with hands turning into fists on the floor, sweat dropping of his forehead and lips trembling.  
He wanted to scream, all the pain in his chest wanted to get out, what's he gonna do? He wanted to say sorry to him but how? Just walk to him and put a smile on the face saying: 'hey, I'm sorry, can we go start again please? ', no... Things don't work like that.  
A thousand memories making a storm inside his mind, each one of them were so dreadful but there was one memory he hates the most, a memory that makes him tremble inside...

 

***Flash back***

 

"Ugh..."

Changkyun was on the floor, trying to get up but the pain on his ankle was so hard that he wanted to scream in pain, it was the nth time on the day that they stopped because their useless maknae doesn't feel well, it was driving him crazy, if they wouldn't dance like a professionals, they would be scolded because of him.  
Jooheon tried to get up Changkyun but he shook his head, tears on his eyes while he was trying to get up but each time he tried, he ended on the floor, Wonho was so angry because they were wasting time and walking towards him, he grabbed Changkyun by his shirt making him stand up, the pain in his ankle making him laying down.

 

"Stand up! You weak! Stand up if you don't want to punch you!"  
"Hyung... he's hurt..."  
"Shut up Jooheonie! Stand up!"

 

Changkyun tried his best to stand up but he wasn't able to do it, Wonho was so frustrated and grabbed him from his shoulder.

 

"Wonho hyung! stop!" Said Hyungwon with a scary face, Changkyun trying to hold up  
"Listen to me, you useless, because of you, our performance is getting wrong and dirty, so... do it us a favor and don't bother us"

 

Wonho left Changkyun and the boy fall down on the floor, Jooheon tried to help him but Changkyun stopped him with a hand sign, painfully he stood up and glared at Wonho and the dance started again.

***End Flash Back***

 

After that incident Changkyun wasn't able to stand up again that day, feeling worried Shownu decided to call the manager and bring Changkyun to the hospital, the diagnostic: ankle fracture, all the members were waiting for Shownu and Changkyun (only Jooheon and Hyungwon) and when the door opened, Hongsik manager was entering the room.

 

"What happened?" Asked Jooheon quickly  
"He has a fracture on his ankle"  
"What?" Kihyun was petrified  
"The doctor said he was surprised that Changkyun was dealing with that for more than month ago”

 

Wonho was shocked too, he didn't realize that... he was being so rude with him, hell, how he hate this feeling of guilt blooming on his guts, he wanted to throw up so he started to move to his room when Hongsik stopped him.

 

"Where you go?"  
"I need to shower"  
"No, I need to talk with you... alone"

 

All the members glanced at each other and after leaving the dorm, Hongsik look at Wonho with fury.

 

"Who the hell think you are? We discovered a bruise on Changkyun's shoulder, he didn't said it was you but I know perfectly who are the bad guy in this situation"

 

Wonho looked away, his nails burying deeply on his skin, he wanted to said sorry and he wanted to make the child feel welcomed but each time he saws his face, Wonho remembered the frustration, the tears and pain on his old friends faces, he could not ignore them.

 

"I didn't want to..."  
"You didn't want to? Please Wonho... be brave for the first time and assume your actions!"  
"I didn't want to hurt him!"  
"But you did it! How long it's gonna take you to understand it wasn't his fault huh?"  
"Dam it..."  
"He is only a child, you think you are so strong to make the boy be scared of you?"

 

He opened his eyes, he started to tremble, his legs, his arms, his lips, everything was shaking... He started with his attacks again, he needs to calm down, they don't need to know about this, they don't need to know.

 

"If you don't behave, I will sanction you, and you know what a sanction means"

 

Wonho was breathing heavy, Hongsik manager looked at him worried but when he wanted to ask, Wonho walked quickly to the bathroom, Hongsik thought he don't want to discuss anymore and he wanted to shower so he left the dorm.  
After that, the members entered the room and Kihyun was looking for Wonho, he tried to looked for him at the dorm but then he saws lights turned on inside the bathroom, he didn't heard the shower so he knocked the door...

 

"Hey, you are okay?"  
"Y-Yeah... f-fine"  
"Wanna talk?"  
"Need to shower"

 

Kihyun left him alone and inside of the bathroom, a scared Wonho was trying not to claw his nails on his face and trying not to break the looking glass with his fists.  
Days later, Changkyun arrived at the dorm with a bandage on his ankle, the surgery was painful and he needed to recover in home, so when he entered his room being carried by Jooheon and followed for Hyungwon, he tried to climbed up to his bunk.

 

"No, you gonna sleep on mi bed"  
"No Jooheon hyung, I want my bunk"  
"Please Kyunnie, for your sake, accept Honey's offer"  
"Uh...well, thanks"

 

Before the two guys leave the dorm, a knock interrupt their talk, Wonho appeared on the door with a nervous look and Jooheon and Hyungwon covered Changkyun with their bodies.

 

"What do you want, hyung" Said Jooheon hiding Changkyun behind his body.  
"I...I came to see how is he..." Wonho replied with a raspy voice  
"He is fine"  
"Jooheonie..."

 

Wonho tried to enter the room but Jooheon stood in front of Changkyun and Hyungwon approached to the older to stop him.

 

"Hyung, please... it's not the right moment"  
"I need to talk with him"  
"I know but... maybe next time"

 

Wonho was so confused, why his friends were trying to hide Changkyun from him? He was not a monster, was he? And he answered himself at the time he saw Changkyun looking at him with a nervous look.

 

_"I'm a monster"_

 

He thought and run away from there, so that's why he was punching the bag harder, because he realized that Changkyun was afraid of him, afraid of the guy it was supposed to protect them, that's why he decided his stage name... It's supposed to mean "protector" and he was everything less that, he was a monster.  
Once again the terrifying sensation started to fill up his body, the trembles, the hard breaths, the tingling, he was afraid, he was losing himself so he ran to the bathroom, the only place he thought he will be safe.

 

"Where's Wonho?" Kihyun asked to Shownu when he arrived at the dorm alone  
"It's not here? I though he was here since I didn't see him at the gym"  
"He wasn't there? But he grabbed his bag and was wearing sport clothes"  
"Yeah but I didn't see him"

 

They were starting to feel worried when Wonho arrived at the dorm, red eyes and red nose, sweaty forehead and cheeks, he was walking slowly and Shownu tried to help him but Wonho rejected excusing himself he was tired and he needs to shower.  
Wonho was about to open the bathroom's door when Changkyun go out, they stared at each other and Changkyun pull himself closer to the wall, Wonho looked at him with sad eyes and he wanted to talk to him...

 

"Changkyun..."  
"I'm leaving, sorry for be on your way"

 

Changkyun's answer broke Wonho's heart, he started to cry and after Changkyun left the bathroom, Wonho closed himself inside, he wanted to punish himself so as he was undressing himself, he was burying his nails deeply on the pale skin, he deserved that, he deserved to feel pain, las much as he has caused on Changkyun's heart.

 

"Sorry..."

 

He mumbled as he felt the blood on his fingerprints.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

It doesn't matter how hard he tried to get close to Changkyun, the boy was so afraid of him that he barely let him walk next to him, it was so painful, Hyungwon and Jooheon were so defensive that he thought they were exagerating but when he wanted to approach to Changkyun, the younger started to slutter and being clumsy.  
That day, they had a programmed perfomance to promotionate Hero song, he used to seem relaxed and confident but inside he was screaming, he wanted to run away and die.  
Ten minutes before his show he started to feel panic again, he was adjusting his clothes looking himself at the mirror when he noticed he was gross and he started to think all the eyes were judging him about his look, he felt sick his stomach and the tachycardia appeared.  
He tried to avoid his attack but as much as he tried, the attack goes worst, he wanted to win the battle for once but his head hurts and spine round, his muscles felt like jelly and with difficulty he looked for a safe place.

Changkyun was relaxing himself while he was drinking a grape juice listen to music when he heard some cans and woods falling on the floor, he shake his head looking for the sound wondering if someone need help to carry something (maybe he can't carry heavy things but he wanted to tried) but at the end of a corner, specifically the equipment room, he looked at Wonho trying to get inside the room, he frowned his brows and after he heard a growl escape of Wonho's lips, he wondering if he was ok so he made a slowly walk to make sure himself his hyung was alright.  
When he got closer to the room he started to hear gasps and immediately he entered the room finding Wonho curled on the floor...

 

"Oh gosh, hyung!" He threw himself to the floor trying to help his hyung  
"Leave me! Leave me! Don't touch me"  
"Hyung, it's me! Changkyun!"  
"Go away, leave me alone! Leave me alone! Don't touch me!"

 

Changkyun realized Wonho was having a panic attack, he was familiarized with this because one of his old hyungs, Taehyuk, was suffering of panic attacks. He grabbed Wonho hands into his to prevent he injured himself, he move Wonho's body to his own and he whispered on the elder’s ear.

 

"I'm with you, breath... exhale, inhale, come on"  
"Leave me!!"  
"Wonho hyung...look at me!"  
"Go away! Go away! I want to be alone"  
"Look at me please!" 

 

Changkyun grabbed Wonho's face to made him look at him, brown eyes stared the blue ones (he was wearing contact lenses) and Wonho started to cry loudly, Changkyun hugged him and let him be.

 

"Cry, cry... it’s over"  
"Ch...k...un..."  
"Shh, don't talk, just breath"

 

He was warm, Changkyun was warm and smelled nice, like a mix of cotton and roses, he was feeling somehow protection, he was embarrassed, he... the older one was being protected for the younger, how pathetic.  
After Wonho calm down, Changkyun made him to look him again, Wonho was biting his lip, he had no words to thank to the little for what he did.

 

"How long have you been dealing with?"  
"About a year and a half"  
"And you didn't tell anyone before?"

 

Wonho looked down shaking his head, he breathed hard and cleaned his eyes with his shirt sleeve, he licked his lips nervously and Changkyun didn't say anything.

 

"I...I don't want them to know about this... if they knew it, it will be the end of my career"  
"Panic attacks are serious, you need to tell them"  
"No, I want to sing, I want to dance and I want to stay with the group, I don't want to quit"  
"Nobody said that you're going to quit"

 

Wonho sobbed, he was trying to calm down when Changkyun realized they will perform in three minutes, the younger stood up and offered his hand to Wonho, he pulled him up fixing his clothes, shaking the dust and combing his hair.

 

"Let's go ..."  
"Changkyun ... I do not think I can do it"  
"Hey, it's ok ... If you do not feel well just look at me"  
"But ..."  
"Look at me, I will be there for you"

 

So with this, both guys joined the rest of the group, Jooheon and Hyungwon looked both guys with half closed eyes and when they took their positions on the stage, Wonho looked at Changkyun, the younger smiled at him showing his dimples for the first time and Wonho fell in love *.  
They finished the show and when they were resting on the dress room, Changkyun entered the room with a big napolitano ice cream cup, he walked to Wonho and offered him.

 

"Hey, where's my ice cream?" Jooheon pouted.  
"I didn’t have enough money, sorry hyung"  
"And all this ice cream it's for Wonho? What about us?" asked Hyungwon  
"I promise you once we arrived at the dorm, I will buy you two ice creams to each one of you"

 

Wonho stared at Changkyun with eyes wide open, Changkyun smiled once again and Wonho blushes, took the ice cream in his hands and started to eat, the others were surprised by the younger actions, Wonho was eating while Changkyun was enjoying looking at him tasting his ice cream like a child. Once he finished, Changkyun was ready to go to the van but Wonho stopped him making the boy sat down again.

 

"Thank you..."  
"It's nothing ..."  
"Yeah, it's ... I mean, sorry for being an asshole"  
"Hey, do not blame at you"  
"Changkyun, I know it's hard to believe, but I'm really sorry ..."  
"..."  
"I hope one day you will forgive me ..."

 

And Changkyun nodded smiling showing his dimples making Wonho felt butterflies in his stomach once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo? How was it? Did you like it! Thanks again for follow me, uh... if you want to message me or talk, send me DM on my twitter account @Panda_thelittle, I answer a little late but I answer, promise you!! LOVE YOU ALL!!
> 
> N/A: When I mean "fell in love" it's not in a romantic way xD


	3. Perfectly imperfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun's presence is giving to everyone somehow peace, sometimes we need to understand that it's okay to make mistakes without making us feel useless and tried once more, it's okay to be afraid without letting fear dominate us and fight against it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was having a hard time writing this because I don't wanted to show Kihyun in his mother role so I decided to introduce him basing me on his zodiacal sign, Showu doesn't difficult me, he's more manageable so I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you have any suggestions, they are welcomed.
> 
> N/A: Sorry for my english grammar and orthographic mistakes

_‘This boy is a prodigy; he could get far if he continued training hard’_  
_‘Listen Kihyunnie? You need to work even harder’_  
_‘If you want to be number one, you need to work harder than yesterday’_  
_‘Mommy is proud of you, my little number one’_  
_‘It’s your work to be in first place, don’t disappoint your teachers’_

**“So that’s why accepted this, that’s why I’m training so hard, to be perfect”**

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Kihyun was born with an extraordinary gift, he had the sweetest and clearest voice that anyone could imagine and he was proud of it, secretly he had an unusual habit to read about how beautiful his voice was, egocentrism maybe? He could barely accept that, it was just he liked to read and heard Monbebe talking about him and how well he was doing, any idol enjoys that...  
But sometimes he was behind the others, well yeah, Shownu was their leader and he has to follow him but talking about Hyungwon and Wonho, well... he was just him, nothing more, his voice was so perfect, he could reach high tones but talking about his appearance, he wanted to go more that anyone.

_'I want to see Kihyun's oppa abs'_  
_'Kihyun oppa it's so chubby'_  
_Kihyun oppa it's so cute'_  
_'Hey stop that... Kihyun oppa it's perfect the way he is!!!'_

Perfect? He was so far to be perfect but he wanted to be, the most perfect idol never imagined of all the times, ok, he was exaggerating but he wanted to be perfect, just perfect so if he is going to be that kind of perfect idol that he was looking for, he needed to work hard so first, he focused in his first goal: his voice.

_"I need to reach higher, more than anyone else"_

He was thinking while he was warming up his voice, the vocal professor always praise him and that day was not the exception, after his warm up, the professor stopped him and putting a hand on Kihyun's shoulder, he told him.

“I'm so proud of you, so proud of how high you can reach, so perfect”  
_"It's not enough"_  
"You never disappoint me"  
_"I need to work even harder"_  
"So, that's all for today, see you next session, take some rest ok?"  
_"I need to train more"_

He was still far to be perfect, he needed to work even harder than today so he started to meditate about what else he need to “fix” and realizes he was somehow fat, he was kind of tired to read about how cute he was and how chubby was he so he decided to challenge his own body to see how far he could reach.  
While he was walking to the gym, his stomach growled so he remembered he doesn't ate well before vocal training, maybe he could buy something to eat, maybe a delicious chicken sandw...  
He shocked his head, driving away his thoughts about food, he need to train his body, he need to do it, to be perfect.  
He was close to enter the gym when he heard a familiar laugh, silently he get close to the door and he can look Wonho trying to carry Changkyun like a koala, Kihyun rolled his eyes, how could Wonho get along with him? Did he forget about Minkyun, Gunhee and the others? 

"Please Wonho hyung, let me down!"  
"Why? Don't you like it?"  
"Agh... please"  
"Aww... how cute"  
"Agh! Let me down please!!"

Kihyun entered the gym passing next to them, Wonho and Changkyun looked at him, Kihyun doesn't look at them and Wonho (who was still carrying Changkyun) asked him.

"Hey, where you go?"  
"Body workout"  
"Oh... Ah, well...What we are going to eat today?"

It was an innocent question and Kihyun was so annoyed at that moment he didn't want to answer like the way he did...

"Don't know, I'm not your mother..."

Both guys had goose bumps, Wonho was open mouth and Changkyun raised a brow, what's going with Kihyun today?, Wonho sighed while he was leaving the gym with Changkyun in his back...

"Sorry for that, Kyunnie, sometimes he is ..."  
"Doesn’t matter"  
"No, he's still angry and I can understand it but..."  
"Forget about it...uh... If you are hungry I can cook for you today"  
"W-what? I-I mean... Don't you mind?"  
"It's gonna be a pleasure”

They left and inside the gym, Kihyun was asking himself if he really needed to be so rude with them, he remembered about what Kim-ssi and Hongsik-ssi talked to them, about N'ubility, about Changkyun's audition...

_"I still hate him"_

He hissed while he was approaching himself to the soozier, he sat on the seat and started to exercise himself.  
It was eight o'clock when he arrived at the dorm, sweaty and tired, when he entered he saw Hyungwon on the couch reading, Hyungwon looked at him greeting...

"Hi, where were you? It’s late"  
"I was at the Gym"  
"Oh really?"  
"Why? It's weird that I want to train my body?"

Hyungwon wide his eyes, he returned his eyes to his book and pursed his lips, Kihyun went to the kitchen, he was starving but he knows that if he wanted to be perfect, he needed to control himself.  
He was about to open the fridge looking for something light when a delicious smell captured his senses, he approached to the stove and he saw an appetizing meal, it looked delicious and he decided to taste it so he grabbed the chopsticks and eat.

"Yum… this is delicious"

Hyungwon listened Kihyun's approving, he smiled and started to make his move.

"Do you like it?"  
"Yes... It taste delicious"  
"Of course..."  
"Who made it?"  
"Changkyunnie"

Kihyun stopped eating, he swallowed hard and turned his view to the meal, he stared it a few seconds and after that he left the kitchen.

"What happened?" Asked Hyungwon frowning his brows  
"I shouldn't have eat"  
"Why? Just because Changkyunnie did it?"  
"Shut up, I’m going to bed"

It was not that reason, it's supposed that if he wanted to be perfect he needed to eat less and exercise more but when he smelt that meal and tasted it, well... It was so delicious that he wanted to eat more but, first... He was trying to lose weight and second, if he tasted something Changkyun cooked, that was meaning he was starting to forget his old mates and he didn't want that.  
Once he throw up the small amount of food he ate, he entered his shared room, he looked at Changkyun on his bunk, he was sleeping and Kihyun approached to him, he was like a puppy and he hated that... He didn't want to get along with him, he was trying not to replace their old mates place on his heart...

_"I can't like you, I can't"_

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
He made a mistake, it's supposed that he was the only one who can reach those higher tones and he was out of it, he made a mistake...

"It's okay Kihyun, you have worked hard"  
" _It's not enough_... Can we do it once more?"  
"Not for today, you looked tired..."  
"I'm fine, just...just once more"  
"Hey, I know how much do you train everyday but it's okay to take rest sometimes, ok? I'll see you next session"

He disappointed him, he disappoint his professor and he deserved to be rejected, why he couldn't do things right? He was useless and stupid.  
When the dance practice started, he was doing well until he tripped and fell down the floor, he told to the others he was okay and he could continue practicing but inside him, he was angry with himself...

_"There's nothing you can do well? you stupid!"_

Once again he tripped and all of the members looked at him, he was annoyed... Why was he making mistakes? He always did things right, he was always the number one and he will always be so why was he doing things wrong?  
At everyone's sight, he abandoned the practice room and made his way to the dorm, once there he let out his frustration and started to throw things, he needed to stop being so stupid and work until he fainted.  
Changkyun arrived at the dorm and when he entered he was confused, many things on the floor, broken cups and dishes, the vase was broken too, some books and paper sheets were on the rug, as he was walking the disaster was showing, once he approached the room he could hear Kihyun's growls.

"Fuck! Fuck!"

He was hitting the wall in front on him with his fists, Changkyun was close to entered the room when Kihyun got out facing him.

"Get out of my way"  
"Hey, where you go?" The younger asked when he saw Kihyun for the third time on the day grab his bag and go to the Gym  
"It's not your business"  
"You need to stop"  
"Don’t bother me" 

Kihyun pushed Changkyun away the door and started to walk quickly to the gym, nobody was going to stop his goals, he was focused about what he wanted and he promised himself he was going to do anything to achieve it. 

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

He was trembling, he knew that he was getting out of the line and his body barely could bear it, how much time had passed? Two weeks? Four? Five? He didn’t know, he just stopped eating and exercise more taking long sessions of vocal training forgetting to rest. Staggering, he approached to the bathroom, he wanted to shower and clean any sweat sign on his body when a metallic sensation was growing inside his throat, he fell down on his knees and tried to hold his body on the wall when the metallic fluid get out of his mouth...

"Blood"

Blood, he was bleeding, that was because of the hard vocal session, even his professor told him to stop, that it was insane to train more than three hours per day but he didn't listen to him and now he was throwing up blood.

"Fuck...I... I'm going to..."

Changkyun was on his bunk playing videogames when he heard someone coughing, he stopped playing and climbed down his bunk and walked to the dorm's hall.

 

_"Perfect"_  
"Hyung..."  
_"Perfect... I... need..."_  
"Hyung..."  
_"I don’t want... to disappoint them..."_  
"Hyung... Kihyun hyung?"

He felt dizzy, he tried to speak but a soft hand was brushing his bangs and it felts somehow... warm, suddenly he felt something cold on his corners mouth and immediately he opened his eyes...

"Agh..."  
"Shhh... calm down, you passed out"  
"Chan... Changkyun?"

He tried to seat up but Changkyun softly pushed him down rubbing his chest, the little one was looking at him with a smile showing the "shiniest dimples" he had never seen before (that's what Wonho was saying all the time).

"I need to go to..."  
"No, you're not going to anywhere, you will stay here... you're starting to have fever"  
"You don’t command me!"

He sat up roughly and a sharp pain stopped him, he was coughing again and the blood got out once again, Changkyun started to clean the blood while he was checking Kihyun's temperature, it was 38.7 °.

"You will stay here"  
"I said, you don’t command me"  
"You have fever"  
"I will not stay..."  
"Yes you will!!”

Wow, it was the first time Kihyun seen Changkyun annoyed, he was freeze and he tried to open his mouth but Changkyun spoke first...

"I don't know why you are doing those stupid things"  
"Don't talk to me like that"  
"So please stop! I'm worried for you"

Speechless, that boy was worried for him, why? why to be worried for him when he was doing exactly the opposite?, forgetting to call him for dinner, forgetting to said to him to wear a sweater, forgetting to ask to him if he slept well?

"Stay here, I will bring you some soup"

Changkyun left the room leaving Kihyun shaking, not because of the fever it's more like...

_"I'm crying..."_

Shit, he was an idiot, he called himself like that days ago and he still thinking he was an idiot, he didn't deserve Changkyun's attention, Changkyun's worries, anything.

"I'm here, let's eat"  
"Changkyun...I..."  
"Don't talk, eat first"

Changkyun blew the soup and started to feed Kihyun, slowly he finished it and after that, Changkyun went for cold water and a towel to clean the sweat springing up of Kihyun's forehead, it was amazing how motherly Changkyun could be, maybe more than him, Changkyun's eyes looked for Kihyun's, once they looked at each other, Changkyun said sadly...

"Why are you doing this to you?"  
"What...?"  
"Someone said awful things about you?"  
"… No"  
"So? Why are you hurting yourself?"

Kihyun was ashamed, he avoid Changkyun's look and tried to hold his cry, the blood inside him was burning him, he thought at any moment he's gonna throw up again.

"Somebody hurt you?" Changkyun asked softly and Kihyun sighed  
"No... I was trying..."  
"Trying to?"  
"To be perfect..."  
"Why do you want to be perfect?"  
"... _Because when I become perfect, I will love myself_.... Because I need to, it’s my work"

Changkyun rubbed one of Kihyun's cheeks cleaning the last drops of blood on him, he sighed...

"You are perfect the way you are"  
"Don't say that...I'm junk"  
"No, I'm serious"  
"I am, Changkyun...just look at me, I'm junk, I’m an awful person, I'm selfish, I'm stupid and I’m an idiot... I... I'm... gosh... I can’t do anything well..."

Kihyun bite his lip, he looked for Changkyun hand and grabbed it, he looked at him with many pain on his eyes and Changkyun smiled at him, he gave to Kihyun the sweetest smile he could give to someone and Kihyun was up to cry.

"I don’t deserve your kindness, I treated you like a bother"  
"Calm down... breath"  
"I was afraid… I’m used to be the number one, and… I still want to be perfect… I don’t want to disappoint Monbebe, I don’t want to disappoint Monsta X and I’m still making mistakes…”  
"Oh Kihyun hyung, you don't need to be perfect, Monbebe love you the way you are, they love us just the way we are"

Kihyun stared at him and Changkyun caressed his cheek smiling...

"What kind of world this would be if everyone were perfect?"  
"What?"  
"Just imagine that... Everyone perfect, we couldn't be able to know about mistakes"  
“What would be wrong with a perfect world?"  
"No one could be surprised by anything..." 

Kihyun kept silence, for one moment he tried to understand about what Changkyun was talking about and the younger seeing the confusion on Kihyun's eyes, he proceeded.

"If someone were perfect, if you were perfect, you wouldn't know what other things you will be able to do or if you could do it better"  
"..."  
"That's why life it's beautiful, full with ups and downs, that's why human is perfect, because we are imperfects and that's a motivation for us to be better, not perfect but better"

Changkyun stopped talking when he listened Jooheon's voice, he apologizes to Kihyun and left the dorm to meet his other hyung leaving Kihyun thinking about his words, at night Kihyun was on his bunk and was staring at Changkyun while he was sleeping, the vocalist was meditating about last weeks, the way Changkyun was entering without force in everyone's heart, maybe Changkyun would never replace his old mates place on his heart but he can take up a bigger space on it.  
The next day, Kihyun was still weak but not very much like to stop his activities, he climbed down of his bunk and approaches to Changkyun, softly he brushed Changkyun's hair making the younger wake up...

"Um?..."  
"G-good morning Kyunnie..."  
"Kihyun hyung?"  
"Yes, it's me...um… I was wondering… what do you want for breakfast?"  
"Me? Breakfast?"  
"Yeah, do you like something special?"  
"Uh...well"  
"Yes?"  
"I... I would like Jjigae"  
"Jjigae will be"

Maybe Kihyun was not perfect at all and he needed to work hard but not to be perfect, just to be better, a better vocalist, a better bandmate, a better person and obviously, a better hyung.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Being a kpop band leader was full of stress, you can barely control the fear inside you, maybe one of your bandmates could get wrong but not you, because you are their example, like their role model so you can't get wrong because if you take a wrong step, all the band will fall because of you.  
That's why he always tried to hide his insecurity behind an inexpressive mask, because if he did something or said something wrong, they will be sanctioned because of him, yeah, being a leader was so hard and no one can imagined the big weight above his shoulders.

"Shownu ssi?"  
"..."  
"Shownu ssi...?"  
"..."  
"Shownu ssi!"

He jumped on his seat looking for the voice who called him, he realized he was on an interview and he was distracted so after he apologized to the interviewer, he straightened his position...

"Sorry, I was..."  
"Yeah, we realized it.."  
"... _Oh no_... W-what was the question?"  
"Don't worry Shownu ssi, you can answer it after, so... we continue with Monsta X's interview after this adverts!!"

When the program finalized, Shownu was up to get inside the van when he was stopped by Hongsik hyung, Shownu felt his back shiver and he turned his face to looked Hongsik hyung.

"What's wrong?"  
"... _did I do something wrong?_... Uh..."  
"You were not concentrated..."  
"... _I'm tired_... sorry"  
"You need to concentrate, Shownu ssi... ok? Let's go home"  
"... _Don't cry_... yeah... let's go"

 

Be on the dorm was somehow peaceful, far away the cameras and the interviews, he was grateful to be there and not outside answering questions about what does it feel to be in charge of a new k pop band, man... please, let him rest a little.  
He entered to the room and quickly he throw himself to his bed, burying his face on the pillow, he wanted to sleep at least for the next two weeks and forgetting about all of the activities they had, he was so stressed that he ended up falling asleep for the rest of the morning.  
He was sleeping when a bell ring outside the dorm disturbed his dream's peace, confused and sleepy he stood up and walked to the door, once he opened, he was surprised to see Hongsik hyung...

"Hongsik hyung?..."  
"You were sleeping? Oh..."  
"... _What's it now?_... Did.. something happened?"  
"You forgot about the photo shoot"  
"... _jeez_... Uh, sorry, I'm..."  
"Shownu ssi, listen, I know this is so hard for you"  
"... _yeah of course_... No, it's okay..."  
"But you need to concentrate more, you are Monsta X leader"  
"... _Yeah, it's always like this_... I know"  
"Let's go"

Once they arrived at the studio he could feel the stress pushing him down, hell... it hurted so much and he was wondering if he can be able to walk and hold up the rest of the session.

"Shownu ssi, can you smile please...?"  
"..."  
"No, smile..."  
"... _I'm smiling_..."  
"Hehe... Shownu ssi, just smile, naturally..."  
"... _gosh, I'm smiling_..."

But the photographer was still asking him to smile, yes, he knew perfectly he was somehow inexpressive but he was smiling! He hated when other persons called him 'robot', it was so painful for him, like he had a shell on him to avoid bad comments.  
He was waiting for the next shoot while he was being prepared by one of the staff members, the woman was shaking the dust off the coat he was modeling.

"Ok, you are ready!"  
"Thanks"  
"It's hard, isn’t it?  
"Sorry?"  
"I mean, to be in the kpop industry..."  
"A little..."  
"I know, I had a cousin who was on an extinct kpop band but... they disbanded"  
"..."  
“It was because his leader, he doesn't took care of them..."  
"..."  
"I hope you do a good work!"

Taking care, he was taking care of all his members, right? No, he wasn't... He was actually being distant with one of them and the little guy was at his left side, playing with his cellphone, he approached him and tried to initiate a conversation...

"Uh...I.M..."  
"Um? Shownu hyung..."  
"You... you are doing a good job"  
"Oh! Thanks"

Changkyun noticed how the elder let escape a deep sigh and he stared him waiting for something, Shownu was up to speak when the photographer called him, again he sighed deeply and Changkyun could heard the elder sobbing.

"Look at the roof... yes, like that..."  
"... _Am I doing a good job?_ "  
"Now, look at the left...no, my left..."  
"... _I'm trying to do my best_..."  
"Yeah, like that... now, put your hand on your hair like this..."  
"... _I don't want_..."  
"Don't move..."  
"... _this to end..._ "  
"...Stay and..."  
"... _because of me_..."

The camera's flash made Shownu felt dizzy, he tried to keep the balance but he was so flash exposed that he can't see well so he was starting to trip and unfortunately he dropped some lights, the sound was noisy and everyone looked at him.

"... _hell no_... I-I'm sorry"

The staff members started to pick up the lights and one of the assistants grabbed Shownu by his arm...

"Stay away, don't stay here"  
"...What?..."  
"Please move to the other room"

The assistant wanted to put Shownu safe but the guy was not able to see that, he was thinking he ruined everything and he started to feel nervous, maybe when they arrived at the dorm, Hongsick hyung will scold the guys because of him, and maybe because of him they will be disbanded and after, they will hate him and...

"Shownu hyung..." Changkyun grabbed Shownu's wrist  
"...I.M?..."  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah...I'm fine..."

But he was lying and Changkyun could see it, Shownu was trembling inside and was afraid to receive Hongsik's scold, they went out for a break and he was seating on a couch when Changkyun showed to him an Americano...

"It's for you" Changkyun smile sweetly at him  
"Thank you"  
"It's nothing... hyung..."  
"Yes?"  
"There's something bothering you?"  
"Ah... not really..."  
"Do you want..."

But they can't finished their conversation 'cause a new photo session was about to start, Changkyun didn't apart his eyes from Shownu, he was staring at him, his leader sometimes looked so intimidating outside but inside, no one knew about Shownu's feelings, his fears, his worries, he wanted to help.  
After that, a few days later, Monsta X went to another interview, the interviewer was asking about their lack of popularity and at any moment he started to bombard Shownu with a lot of questions...

"So I supposed it's a very huge responsibility to be in charge of six guys"  
"It's my job, I'm trying to do my best"  
"Oh you are trying? That’s why you are not so popular"  
"What?" Asked Jooheon annoyed  
"I mean, when a leader doesn't communicate with his members, the lack of communication generate mistrust..."  
"But I..." Shownu tried to reply  
"And if you don't externalize your disagreements or your fears, anything... The group fall down into a stress atmosphere..."

So it wasn't his imagination, he was doing a bad job being the leader, even the others realized that, the interviewer was right, he was right about everything...

"But I know it's not your fault, since your lack of emotions cause this..."  
"Can you stop, please? You are bothering our leader..." Said Changkyun with serenity  
"Oh… I’m just saying that he's not an expressive person.."  
"Yeah I know but you're wrong..."  
"Sorry?"

All the members stared at Changkyun, his hand become a fist grabbing the microphone and his other hand was resting on his thigh, his eyes focused on the interviewer's.

"He's a good leader, he always take care about us..."  
"... _Changkyun_..."  
"When we are practicing our dance, he always praise us for do a good job, he always thank to us for do things on the right way"

Shownu was listening, he was surprised about how much Changkyun was saying about him and how the interviewer was opening his mouth as the little one was speaking...

"And yes, maybe he's not expressive but he has feelings too, and maybe on the outside seems to be a robot but it's a human, like you, like me..."  
"Yeah you're right" said the interviewer looking down  
"So please, don't talk about our leader like that... He's amazing, like everyone else on this group"

Once the interview ended, the interviewer apologized to Monsta X, especially to Shownu, they arrived at the dorm and the leader was looking for a chance to thank to Changkyun for defending him but the little one was so exhausted that he left him to rest.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

At the afternoon, Shownu went out for a walk, just to clear his mind and relax... He decided to stop at a bridge, crossing his arms on the safety barrier when he felt a little and soft hand massaging his shoulder...

"Changkyun..."  
"Everything’s ok?"  
"Yeah, thank you..."  
"I'm happy to hear that"  
"Yeah... um... Changkyun, you know I'm not good at speaking but I really wanted to thank you about what happened today"  
"Don't mention it... You are my leader..."  
"I know and I... well... I'm sorry"  
"For what?"  
"For isolating you, it was not your fault and we... I acted like a dumb"

Changkyun was silent, he looked down to see the sea, the wind was messing up his hair and he started to play with his sleeve, Shownu was staring at him confused, did he say something wrong?

"Are you doing this because you want or because you have to?"  
"Why are you asking something like that?"  
"Jooheon hyung told me, that Hongsik hyung and Kim hyung told to you about my past..."  
"..."  
"And you felt somehow guilty for treating me like a bother"  
"..."  
"And you took the decision to apologize to me, and made the others to do the same thing"  
"They were not obligated..."  
"But they did it because you told them"  
"Changkyun... if they wouldn't want to apologize, they wouldn’t' do it... I wasn't obligating anyone to do it"

Changkyun was mute, he tried to believe in Shownu's words but it was so hard, if he was sincerely, he didn't accepted anyone's apologies because it was too painful not to remember the bad words and the bad treatment, he was trying but it was being difficult for him. He turned around his body leaning his back at the safety barrier, his eyes were lost in the clouds...

"I promised Jooheon I would accepted your apologies but I didn't do it yet"  
"..."  
"I want to do it but I don't think I could"  
"Changkyun..."  
"It's just that the pain is still here in my chest and... I don't know how much time is going to take me to forgive you, I'm not a resentful person but..."  
"Changkyun, I know -at least I try to understand- how hard is for you to heal this, but listen to me... It doesn't matter how long it will take you, I will waiting, all of us will waiting until you feel better, ok?" 

Both guys looked at each other, Shownu ruffled Changkyun's hair and stared at him, he was amazing, the way Changkyun could support everyone was admirable, he asked to the younger go for a coffee and the little one nods.  
When they arrived at the dorm, Shownu was carrying Changkyun on his back, when they entered, the members were smiling...at least... four of them

"Aww looked at our Appa and our baby, they are so cute" said Jooheon  
"where were you guys? We were worried" Hyungwon said as he laid back on the couch  
"We went for a coffee" Said Shownu putting down Changkyun  
"Oh, why you didn't buy some for us? Wonho was pouting  
"We didn't have enough money"

Said Changkyun making the others laugh at his typical excuse, Kihyun asked to everyone to seat down for dinner and he told Jooheon to call Minhyuk, Jooheon went to the dorm and after knocking, he entered...

"Hey, Kihyun hyung said the dinner is ready"  
"I don't want to eat"  
"Why not? He ordered pizza... Hawaiian pizza"  
"I don't want to eat pizza"  
"Hyung what's wrong? Are you feeling sick?"

Minhyuk glared Jooheon and the rapper felt uncomfortable, Minhyuk was annoyed and he wanted to punch someone.

"Are you serious, Jooheonie?"  
"What?"  
"Everyone is out there with that stupid boy"  
"Hey, calm down"  
"You forgot it? How much do you worked to debut? How hard Minkyun, Gunhee and everyone worked to win a chance?"  
"I will never forget them but it wasn't Changkyunnie's..."  
"Why are you defending him?"  
"Hey wait, just relax"  
"Relax? Oh fuck... do you want to know what I think? I think he shouldn't debuted with us"  
"Hyung..."  
"I think we would be better without him, I hate him!! Jooheon, I hate him!"  
"Hyung stop!"  
"He would be better dead!!"

And Minhyuk stopped as he looked with fear Changkyun's eyes when he entered the room...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked it, I'm starting to think about how Minhyuk is going to apologize to Changkyun so if you hace ideas, feel free to write them, I will reading your messages, I love you all!! 
> 
> N/A: Sorry for my english grammar and orthographic mistakes


	4. Just tell me the reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just try to understand it was not his fault"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm apologize for the last bad chapter I wrote , maybe it was not credible... sorry, I hope I did this one well, I went to see Monsta X on Monterrey, Mexico... was incredible and now I'm entering in a post-concert depression, well... doesn't matter, hope you like this one.

**Changkyun's POV**

_I like to consider myself a patient person, generally I don't drive me up crazy and it's too difficult for me to be aggressive, I really enjoy help people and I loved listen to them. If I need to describe myself in one word this would it be: empathy, I not usually see people crying and keep going my way, obviously I can't stop me each time I see people crying but if I have enough time, I like to sit next to him or her and listen, all of us need to be listen and all of us we are not capable to be alone simply because it's too hard to face the problems by oneself.  
I don't have many friends and those ones I call 'friends' it's because truly they are true friends, even when I'm so compassionate and somehow sensible, I'm not good making friends, it's my nature, It’s not shyness but I don't give my love so easily.  
I like to hear about myself, I mean, I like when other people say constructive criticism about me because I'm open to changes and I like to challenge myself to look how far I can reach, see the points I need to improve and what kind of actions I need to stop to be better. I love feedbacks.  
Usually I face the stress and the panic, hard times...well, it’s part of life, what would it be if life wasn't full of ups and downs? It would be boring, isn't it?  
I don't know if this ability to bear up the storms its call 'strength', I'm strong? Mmm... I prefer call me tolerant.  
But not always... when dark times follow me I'm started to feel frightened and cornered, like I will be squashed by a dark giant, many times I fought against him but... maybe I fought too much and my armor it's not as good as it used to be, it have cracks, it's fractionated... I need to fix it or make another new one.  
I decided to make another one, I needed it but the last few months, well... I had a hard time, it was not easy for me but I fought, pretty well, I admit it... and I... I'm tired... Because even when I get a little bit close to them, he stills hate me, I'm not blaming him, he was on his right to feel like that, betrayed, upset but... why to hurt? Why to hurt like this? I don't like when people hurt other, because many times you hurt without knowing anything and that kind of actions just make the other one feel... like shit. _   
**End of Changkyun's POV**

 

He was about to drop the dish when he reaction, his hands could hold the dish and the big slice of pizza on it, he was trembling and a sharp pain was hurting him in the middle of his chest... it was not surprising, it was the first time somebody wanted him to be dead and he felt his blood freeze inside.  
Jooheon turn his face and he looked at Changkyun, with wide eyes and open mouth, the kid was pale and when he approached to him, Changkyun left the dorm and he was to cross the hall when Jooheon grabbed his wrist making the little one to turn his body.

 

"He was joking, Changkyun... he didn't mean it"

 

But Changkyun was disconcerted, Minhyuk's phrase "He would be better dead" was spinning inside his mind, he was trying to process but he couldn't understand why Minhyuk had a lot of hate to him.   
Because of the whispers on the hall, Kihyun approached to see what's going on there, he stopped when Jooheon started to talk again...

 

"He... He was angry and he can't think clear when he is angry..."

"What happened?" Kihyun asked once he appeared in the corner, Jooheon ignored him and continue talking

 

"Changkyun, it's not true...You re valuable, ok? You are..."

 

Changkyun grabbed Jooheon's hand with his and after looking at him with a half-smile, he looked at Kihyun.

 

"It was nothing... I'm hungry, can we start to eat? My stomach is growling"

 

Changkyun approached to dining room and took sit, he was kind of nervous because he was starting to drum his fingers on the table.

 

"Changkyun? Everything's ok?" Asked Wonho patting Changkyun's shoulder  
"He looks pale, a stomachache maybe?" Hyungwon said as he started to eat  
"Kyunnie, do you want me to call the doctor?" now was Shownu.

 

But Changkyun was so distracted so he couldn't hear his hyungs words, all of the guys were confused at Changkyun's attitude, silently all the members took seat and started to eat, Jooheon -who was next to Changkyun- was observing him, apparently the kid was ok but Jooheon could swear that something inside Changkyun was broken because he couldn't see Changkyun's eyes glow.  
When dinner finished, everyone was up to going to bed, Hyungwon stared at Changkyun who was waiting for his turn to use the bathroom, the guy looked so stunned, like he was seeing a ghost or something like that.

 

"What's wrong?" Asked to Changkyun as he pat the kid's head  
“Nothing, I was thinking..."  
"Yeah? You don't look like you were thinking... did something happen?"  
"Nothing important..."

 

The bathroom's door opened and Changkyun entered, Hyungwon went to bed... He was worried, since Changkyun and him were getting along he was kind of overprotective, Changkyun was so lovable, it was impossible not love him and he doesn't know why but the fact to look Changkyun sad makes him feel scared...  
When Changkyun entered his room he looked at Jooheon waiting for him, he was staring at him and Changkyun decided to climb up to his bunk.

 

"Kyunnie... I'm sorry about what happened"  
"Doesn't matter"  
"Yes it does... Please, don't hate Minhyuk, he is angry but I know him, once he knows you..."  
"Hyung... don't be silly, ok? Both of us know that's never gonna happen"  
"Don't say that... I know you were going to get along pretty well"

 

But Changkyun was tired to hear, he was tired to think that everything's gonna be ok, he was tired to pretend that he was ok, he was tired to tried to show Minhyuk he wants to make friends, he was tired... he was too tired.  
At wee hours of the morning, Changkyun was still awake, he was thinking about last months, his progress with each member and his failure with one of them, his chest was still hurting him but he wanted to think that was temporary, he tried to get comfortable but once he realized he would not get sleep, he decided to go for a walk… again.  
Changkyun finally decided to stop trying to make friends with Minhyuk, it wasn't he was giving up, just he realized that if Minhyuk don't give in, he was to stop persevere, he was friend at the idea that 'everything has it's time' so he let the other one to get close to him at the right time.  
Few days passed after the confrontation and Changkyun was literally ok in spite of the coldness he was treated by Minhyuk, even when Minhyuk wanted something close to Changkyun, he got up to take it or asked to another member to get it; it was somehow tedious, please... He wasn't infected or something like that, sometimes Changkyun wanted to punch him, just a little bit.  
One afternoon, after an exhausting day because of 'All in' promotions, Changkyun was arriving to the dorm, he went to visit some friends and he leveraged that he was walking on the street where there was a convenience store and decided to enter, he bought three milk bottles (Kihyun was saying they needed to buy it), one chips bag and four packs of skittles. When he arrived to the dorm, he was welcoming by Hyungwon, he was already showered and siting on the couch watching TV.

 

"Kyunnie! Finally someone that I like arrived"  
"What's up Hyung"  
"What did you buy?"  
"Uh..." Changkyun opened the bag and saw what there were inside “Milk, chips bag and skittles, do you want something?"  
"The chips bag... can I?"  
"Sure, take it"

 

Changkyun put the bag on the table and he decided to take a shower, Hyungwon approached to the table and looking at Changkyun who was ready to go to the room, he stopped him...

 

"Changkyun..."  
"Yeah?" the little one turned his head staring Hyungwon  
"If you feel uncomfortable, just tell me"  
"Why I could feel uncomfortable?"

 

And Changkyun left the living room entering the room and he understood what Hyungwon was talking about, Minhyuk was on there, ready to take a shower when Changkyun entered, the older didn't bothered to look at him and Changkyun went to his bunk to grab his things waiting the other to finish his shower to take his turn.  
He was grabbing his towel when both guys hit each other accidentally, Changkyun close his eyes waiting for the scold...

 

"Move, don't get in my way"  
"Yeah..."

 

Changkyun let Minhyuk walk to the other extreme of the dorm, the older was grabbing his conditioner when he accidentally drop it, Changkyun approached to him grabbing the bottle.

 

"Don't touch it! Give me that!" Minhyuk snatched the bottle of Changkyun's hands  
"Sorry..." Said the little one raising an eyebrow annoyed.  
"That's the only thing you can say, 'sorry', as if was easy to forgive you"

 

Changkyun didn't say anything, he let Minhyuk talk because he was sure the older will be bored for talking to him so maybe he wanted to take his shower soon but he was wrong...

 

"You are always walking around saying 'sorry Hyung... It's nothing', 'sorry hyung... I made a mistake', as if making those stupid puppy eyes were solve everything"  
 _"Just ignore him, just ignore him Changkyun..."_  
"I don't know how did you do it, but maybe you can fooled them, but I'm not going to fall in your game"

 

Changkyun now was looking at him, calm and silent, he let Minhyuk to continue...

 

"I will not forget what you did, you came to replace Minkyun and stole Gunhee's place, are you happy now? Are you happy for cheating and steal the place of a better rapper than you?"  
"I didn't cheat” Changkyun replied for the first time "You know why I am here and it wasn't for cheating"  
"Maybe you made Kim hyung and Hongsik hyung believed that, no?"  
"If you want to believe that, it's up to you"  
"Don't talk to me like you were a cool kid, I know you, bastard"

 

Changkyun tried to ignore him but Minhyuk wasn't stopping, he decided to left the room and when he tried to cross the door, Minhyuk grabbed Changkyun's arm with roughness

 

"Maybe you think you did it and you got a place in this band, but let's be honest, no one of us will forgive you, never"  
"I don't care... I did it and that's all"  
"They will never forgive you, and you know it"  
"Why are you sure about that? Because I don't see any trace of hate on their eyes"

 

Minhyuk was getting angry, he didn't like Changkyun's answer because he was true, the other members starting by Jooheon were trying to make friends with that stupid boy and finally he did it, they started to apologize to him and finally Changkyun stole his friends, his treasured friends, he couldn't lose to him, he couldn't...

 

"They hate you!"  
"It's not true and you know it"  
"They really hate you, why you can't understand?!"  
"Because the only think I understand it's that you are jealous"

 

It was true, Minhyuk was jealous because Changkyun stole all the attention, he was somehow used to have other's attention on him and when Changkyun joined the band, all his world came down, he hated him not only for took Minkyun and Gunhee's place, or because he joined the show a few chapters before the end, he hated him because he was stealing the love of HIS friends.

 

"I'm right?"  
"..."  
"Gosh...How can you...? Hyung, I was not trying to steal hyung's affection from you"  
"..."  
"I know they love you, more than anything else... you are so precious for..."  
"Liar..."  
"Hyung, listen"  
"You don’t understand how I feel"  
"Hyung..."  
"You don’t understand anything!"

 

Changkyun felt the punch on his cheek, his head was starting to spin and he tried to get up when another fist hit his chin, it was painful and he tried once again to get up when Minhyuk throw him down to the floor opening the dorm's door, he was punching him and Hyungwon alerted by the sound approached to the hall, he was disconcerted at he was watching, quickly he grabbed Minhyuk into his arms moving him away from Changkyun

 

"Stop! Stop! Minhyuk! Calm down"  
"Free me! Free me! You liar, I hate you!"  
"Minhyuk calm down!"

 

Hyungwon realized Minhyuk was too agitated so he pushed him inside the room and locked it, hastily he approached to Changkyun...

 

"Kyunnie..."  
"Don't touch me!"  
"Kyunnie you are bleeding..."  
"Don't touch me!" Changkyun said after getting away Hyungwon's touch, he got up and leave the room.

"Changkyun, Changkyun, come back!!"

 

And the door slammed on Hyungwon's face, he passed his hand between his hair and after thinking too much, he decided to go for Changkyun.

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kihyun was waiting on the couch with Jooheon when Wonho and Shownu arrived, but the little one and the taller weren't with them, Kihyun sighed deeply and rubbed his hands on his face.

 

"We looked for them on the building, the practice room, the vocal room...They weren't there" Shownu said taking seat.  
"Fuck, fuck fuck fuck!" Jooheon kicked the couch, he was feeling guilty  
"How is he?" Wonho asked Kihyun talking about Minhyuk, Kihyun look down and after he glared at Jooheon.  
"What happened?" Asked Shownu looking at the guy confused  
"Um... Jooheon..."  
"I yelled at him"

 

Jooheon said without looking his members, Shownu sighed and he walked to the room, silently he opened the door looking at Minhyuk who was curled on his bed hugging a plushie crying silently.

 

"Hey... how are you?"  
"..."  
"Min... I need to know if you are okay"  
"..."  
"Min..." Shownu sit on the bed caressing one of Minhyuk's thighs “Hey, it's okay, it wasn't..."  
"I know perfectly that it's my fault, don't try to make me think the opposite"

 

Shownu looked at Changkyun's bunk wondering where the guy would it be, he was worried, obviously he was worried but he was worried about the two guys, one of them was broken next to him and the other one was lost who knows where.

 

"We gonna find him"  
"I hope that no.." Shownu was hurt inside when Minhyuk said that  
"Why do you hate him so much? It's because he isn't Gunhee, isn't it?"  
"I just hate him "  
"Minhyuk... you can't hate him without a reason..."

 

Minhyuk sobbed, he cleaned his nose with his sleeve and Shownu was patting his hair.

 

"I know how you do feel, but hate him is not gonna change anything, it's a good boy, you will love him once you..."  
"Why suddenly you guys talk about him if he was like a kind of angel?"  
"What?"  
"You said that he would never be part of us and suddenly changed your minds?"  
"Minhyuk, it's not that"  
"So what is it? Why do you like him? Why are you worried for him? Why...? Why did you let him to enter in this?"

 

Minhyuk was crying again and Shownu understand everything, yeah... Changkyun was being to take a place on his hearts but that doesn't mean he's gonna take away Minhyuk’s place out of their hearts, he loved both and everyone else loved both, Shownu hugged Minhyuk resting the boy's face on his chest...

 

"Listen, we are not replacing you or anything like that ok?"  
"..."  
"Second... Minhyuk, you were the first, obviously we love you a little bit more..."  
"..."  
"But, you need to understand, you need to understand that Changkyun wasn't cheating or stealing other's places, he was there because he deserved it..."  
"..."  
"And I know how hard it's for you to accept him" Shownu looked at Minhyuk, he was looking at the floor "But to hate him it's not the right way to soothe your pain"  
"... I said that he would be better..."  
"I know... And I being serious Min, you must to…”

 

But Shownu couldn't continue because the sound of the phone cross the hall, several tones sounded and Kihyun was so nervous, what about if there were bad news?, he inhaled and after another tone, he pick up the phone...

 

"Yeah?"  
"I found him!!"

 

It was Hyungwon, when Kihyun heard that, he let escape a deep sigh, he was now calm and after he looked at Jooheon and Wonho, Shownu and Minhyuk appeared in the corner...

 

"Where are you?" asked Kihyun avoiding Minyuk's gaze  
"We gonna take a cab"  
"Okay, take care..."  
"We need to talk... all of us"  
"I know..."

 

After that, Kihyun hanged up the phone, he stared at Shownu and Minhyuk who was behind him... Wonho was somehow disappointed with him and Jooheon was burning inside...

 

"You didn't have to say that" Said Jooheon looking at his blonde hyung  
"Say what?..."  
"Minhyuk...he's only a kid, please, try to understand"  
"What's up with you guys? You forgot it, right? How much do we worked to win our places... and at what cost? We lost our friends... we lost Minkyun... Jooheon, you lost Gunhee... because of him!! Because of that stupid kid!"

 

Jooheon passed his hand over his hair, he was sick of hear that history over and over again, yeah... sometimes he missed Gunhee but now I.M was part of this, part of the band and part of his life, inside him...when he met I.M for the first time, he knew that...that maybe, just maybe Gunhee and him will not match pretty well like he wanted to think, because both of them wanted to stand out, probably they will fight a couple of times but with Changkyun, it was like a kind of connection...like a bond, they complement each other pretty well  
Someone knocked the door and Wonho approached and open it, Hyungwon was panting and behind him, there was Changkyun, covered with Hyungwon's jacket, hiding his bruises for the people, when they entered the dorm, immediately Jooheon went to Changkyun, hugging him, he was so worried...

 

"Sorry man... I can't help you at all"  
"Doesn't matter"  
"Changkyun..."

 

Shownu called him, the little one stared at his leader and Shownu ruffled his hair after patting his shoulder...

 

"Don't run away like this, we were worried"  
"Yeah, sorry"  
"Uh... now, listen... we need to talk, the seven of us, ok?"

 

They nodded at the same time and Minhyuk just crossed his arms on his chest, he wanted to go to the room but looking at everyone taking seat on the living room, he realizes that the "talk" was serious...

 

"Minhyuk... come here, seat here, in front of Changkyun"  
"What? no..."  
"Yes..."

 

Wonho seat him in front of the little one, he raised his eyes and looked the bruises on Changkyun's face, the younger was staring at him, without waiting, Minhyuk frowned his brows...

 

"Changkyunnie...Minhyuk wants to tell you something..."

Changkyun didn't avoided Minhyuk's gaze, Minhyuk stared at him and open his mouth...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? How was it? It was more well writing than the last one? I want to know your opinion ^^ Thank you for reading and comment!!! :3 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!


	5. Friend of mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I will not let end this...Maybe I can't make you to love me like you love the rest of the guys, but just for today, let the things go well between us..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I left this story abandoned for a long time and sorry for that, I've had so many things that, well ... I have not been able to update so far, but I hope you like it a lot

"Hyung, wake up ~"  
"Shhh"  
"Hyung... wake uuup~"  
"Honey, be quiet please"  
"Hyung...it's your birthday ~"

He knew it was his fucking birthday and the only thing he wanted to do that day is stay in his bed covering with the sheets and sleep. God, he loved Jooheon, seriously but please, somebody please could take the guy away from him?  
He seethed and removing the sheets of his body, he looked at Jooheon with annoyance, the rapper was smiling brightly showing his beautiful dimples, Minhyuk rolled his eyes and sat on his bed rubbing his face.

"What time is it?"  
"Uh... 8:15 on the morning"  
"And you wake me at this hour?"  
" It's your birthday, we have a lot to do today"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I 'm going to take you for breakfast, wherever you want"

He was not on the mood, he was too tired like he didn't had enough sleep and what he really wanted to do that day was to stay at home doing nothing. Jooheon approached him and ruffled his hair, he patted Minhyuk's shoulder and looking at him, he smiled.

"Come on, Hyung, let's go to eat"  
"Jooheonie, I don't want to go out today..."  
"I'm not going to accept this, let's go, hurry, change your clothes, I'll be waiting"

Jooheon left the dorm and Minhyuk stayed there, he lay down to his bed again and he looked at the window, today was not going to be a really good day, he knew that and sighed, he stood up and after change his clothes, he left the dorm.

"Ready?"  
"Uh-huh"  
"Let's go"  
"Yeah..."

Once the door closed, the other members get out of the dorm, Kihyun received a text message:

_"Let's start this, guys"_  
_"Thanks Jooheonie, let us know when you come back, ok?"_

And Kihyun looked at the other boys, he frowned his brows and after looking inside his shared room, he looked at Changkyun inside his sheets.

"This kid..."

He approached him and he shacked the boy, Changkyun mumbled something inaudible and Kihyun sighed.

"Kyunnie, I know you are awake, get out of the bed..."  
"Agh..."

Changkyun rolled over his back and he climbed down of his bunk, he rubbed his neck and after looking at Kihyun, he sighed too.

"I know this is difficult, but you know, it's..."  
"Minhyuk's hyung birthday, I know"  
"Yeah..." Kihyun gave to Changkyun a sadly look "Changkyun, just for today..."  
"Hyung, it's not necessary to tell me what to do today... but try to understand me, after that day, I'm not able to look at him like a brother"

The rest of the members heard that, Shownu and Wonho looked at each other and Hyungwon bite his low lip, Kihyun patted Changkyun's head and after gave to him a quick hug, he said to him.

"Just for today, okay?"

Changkyun nodded, quickly all the members start to prepare everything, Kihyun decided to go by his own to the supermarket to bought the things he needed to prepare Minhyuk's favorite meal, Wonho and Shownu went for the birthdays presents that all of them bought days ago and Hyungwon with Changkyun went to bakery to pick up the cake, while Hyungwon was driving, Changkyun only looked at the street, quiet, more quiet than he was...

"Are you okay?"  
"Not really..."  
"I know how you're feeling"  
"Ha? I don't think so..."  
"Just for today Kyunnie, try to get along with him"  
"How can you guys ask me for something like this? It's too difficult for me..."

When Hyungwon stop the car in front of the bakery, he decided to pick up the cake by his own, before he entered to the bakery, he talked once more with Changkyun...

"You know? It will be so cool if the Gwanju trio could visit the town together..."  
" Minhyuk's from Gwanju?"  
"Yeah... You didn't know that?"  
"Uh... no"  
"Well, now you know... Wait here"

When Hyungwon entered, his cellphone (that he forgot inside the car) started to ring, Changkyun immediately answered...

"Hello?"  
"Kkukkungie? It's nice that it's you who picked up the call..."  
"What's up Wonho hyung?"  
"Uh... look, we are picking up the gifts that we bought for Minhyuk but..."  
"Oh… shit"  
"Uhh... Don't tell me..."  
"Yeah... I forgot to bought something, shit"  
"Oh... you... you really...?"  
"I swear that I really forgot it"  
"My... well...um... um...."  
"I have an idea, hyung... I need to go"  
"But..."  
"Bye"

Changkyun hang up and after to write a little message for Hyungwon, he leaved the car and run to the nearby train station, he know what to do, maybe, just maybe it was their last chance to fix things.  
************************************************************************************************************************  
"Gosh, Kyunnie... can you please help me with this? It's too heavy for me"

Hyungwon tried to look for the car keys but he discovered that the keys there weren't on his jeans bag so he tried to open the car's door.

"Kyunnie... open the door, please..." but he didn't get an answer "Kyunnie... It's too heavy!"

When he finally opened the door he was up to scold Changkyun when he discovered that the kid wasn't in the car, after put the cake in a safe place into the car, he get out to search for him. He asked to a few people if they had seen a little handsome kid. Why? Why is always he the one that had to search for the running kid? He sighed, what now? He took a quick look to his watch; it was not too late so he decided to drive to some places he knew the kid usually went when he needs to be alone or to think.

"Why do you always do this kind of things, Kyunnie?"

He was driving when his cellphone rang, he parked the car and answer...

"Shownu hyung?"  
"Wonnie? Where are you?"  
"Well... I was inside the bakery picking the birthday cake and when I back to the car, Kyunnie was gone..."  
"So that was he did..."  
"What?"  
"Well, Wonho called you a few minutes ago but Changkyun answered... we were picking the birthday gifts when we discovered that there was only five of them, so Wonho decided to asked Changkyun..."  
"Oh, did he really…?  
"He swear that he forgot it"  
"Ugh... he was not on the car, I bet he got out to looking for something..."  
"Try to find him... we can't do this without him"  
"Sure"

Hyungwon hang up but when he was up to call Kihyun, he discover Changkyun's message on the right seat...

_Hyung... I need to do something important, I don't know if I can be early at home so start the party without me, please... I will call you later_

He sighed, he combed his hair in frustration, what are they gonna do now? Maybe for Minhyuk, Changkyun's presence was not really important but for him and the rest of the group, he was still a kid.

************************************************************

 

"Please, can we leave? I really wanted to sleep"  
"Hyung... just finish the ice cream..."  
"Ugh..."

 

Why Jooheon was keeping that fucking party in secret? Please, they knew him better than himself, he was a very suspicious person, nobody couldn't keep secrets from him, he knew once they arrived at the dorm, his friends be waiting from him hiding in the dark just to show him a birthday cake with a stupid candle in the middle, then they are going to sing 'Happy birthday' and after that, gifts... He sighed.

"I know..."  
"Just let them do this, ok?"  
"Agh... Jooheon"  
"Stop it Hyung, we want to do this...."  
"I don't deserved it"  
"Maybe... but we love you and..."  
"Stop saying that... I finished my ice cream, let's go"

Minhyuk left the place and Jooheon after paying he followed his friend, his cellphone vibrated...

_Gosh... Fuck, this kid_  
"Did something happened?"  
"Uh? No, no... Let's go to the videogames, ok?"  
"Honey..."  
"Let's go, let's go... _Fuck, Changkyun, where did you go this time?_ "  
****  
He was crazy, yeah, he was too crazy... But hell, it was a great idea visit the old place where he used to live, he looked for the nth time the text message... He just quickly took the train without know the address and he decided ask to Hongsik-hyung, it was not far than he thought and the walk bring him back memories, his childhood, adolescence, part of his adult years... Many memories were fun and happy, other ones were...well, hard. He stopped at the door in front of him, he breathed deeply and knocked...silent, he tried once again and then he heard quiet steps approaching the door, it opens...

"Yes?"  
"Good afternoon..."  
"Good afternoon honey, can I help you?"  
"Yes, I'm Lee Minhyuk's friend..."

 

It was hard to pretend that Minhyuk and he were friends, he try his best at lying to the woman in front of him, home's warmth... He missed his parents so much, maybe next time he would visit them.

"So, Min is ok?"  
"Uh? Yeah...He's working hard"  
"My poor baby, he's always working hard, sometimes I wish he had never joined that show..."

It hurts, why? He didn't know but it hurts, he grabbed the cup of tea in front of him and drunk a little, he heard the sad sigh left the woman's mouth, he try to relax.

"I miss him so much, the house is not the same without his laugh"  
"I know, he's always smiling and making jokes to everyone"  
"It's hard to make him stay quiet, isn't it? He's so..."  
"Clingy..."  
"Yeah, I called him early to wish him Happy Birthday but it's not the same"  
"..."  
"You know? Sometimes when he's smiling so much, he's sad... Recently when I'm watching you in TV, I realize my baby is smiling too much, a fake smile..."  
"..."  
"That's why I'm asking you if he's okay"

What he could say? He noticed that recently, he was an observant, he discovered so much about his hyungs, even when Minhyuk it's not kind closer to him, Changkyun was able to realize some things and habits about the other guy.

"I think he was under pressure..."  
"Ah... So it was that"  
"Hyung miss you so much too, for every one of us, being away from our families it's hard"  
"My baby, I wish I could be there with him, but we had a lot of work so..."  
"Maybe I can help with that..."

Changkyun's eyes were shining so much that the woman though that the kid has stars inside the eyes, Changkyun smile so big showing the dimples...

"I want to give him the best birthday gift ever..."

When he left the house, the sky was showing the first stars of the night, he checked the hour in his cellphone, 6:35 pm... If he hurried up, maybe he could join the party early.

He ran as fast as his legs let him do it and after paying his train pass, he took seat near the window, he was happy, really happy but he wanted to give Minhyuk another gift so he looked for someone to bring him a piece of paper and he did what he knew best: write.

****************************************************************************

"Where is he?"  
"I don't know... he just write me that he would call me later..."  
"Damn... I hate when he just run away without saying a fucking word"  
"Relax Kihyunnie... he's gonna... uh... my cellphone is vibrating"  
"Who is it?"  
"Jooheon, is coming with Minhyuk"  
"Fuck... what now?"  
"I'm sorry for Changkyun, but we are gonna do this with or without him"  
"Ok, so... let's hide, guys"

Hyungwon was worried, it was 8:45 pm and Changkyun had not arrived to the dorm, yet worst, Changkyun had not texted him in all day, he was hiding behind the couch looking at his cellphone when the door opened, immediately Wonho jumped over Minhyuk, Jooheon turned on the lights, Shownu and Kihyun approached to the birthday guy and Hyungwon joining them, together, the five guys started to sang 'Happy Birthday' to Minhyuk...  
But he was not smiling, he was focusing in the fact that one member was not there, maybe his theory was right, and Changkyun hated him so much that he didn't wanted to be there.

"Thanks guys"  
"Happy Birthday Min" Shownu ruffled Minhyuk's hair sweetly  
"How's the most beautiful person in the world?" asked Wonho kissing him on the forehead  
"Hey, come here" Kihyun grabbed his hand and guided him to the kitchen where a big chocolate cake was waiting with a puppy form candle "Make a wish"  
" _I hate this_ "  
"Make a wish, hyung" Jooheon pat Minhyuk's shoulder in a vain intend to encourage him, but the boy was still sad

 

While the members were waiting for Minhyuk to blow the candle, Hyungwon was too anxious, his palms were sweating and a cold feeling was growing inside him, one thought in his mind: Where the fucking hell was Changkyun?, it was the nth time he checked his cellphone, not messages... He sighed too loudly that Minhyuk face him.

All the members looked at Minhyuk and Hyungwon at the same time, the taller one try to hide his worried face smiling awkwardly, Kihyun make a face and Minhyuk looked at the cake again.

"Blow the candle, Min" Kihyun said trying to relax the guy, Minhyuk sighed too  
"I knew this gonna happen"

Kihyun was the only one who heard him because he was too close enough, Kihyun close his hand making a fist, he was upset, he asked to Changkyun to be kind that day but it seemed that the guy wasn't in mood to cooperate, Minhyuk finally blew the candle and the members take his turn to hug him.

They decided to start the party, first Kihyun showed Minhyuk his special meal for the night, it was too delicious that Minhyuk forgot just for one moment that one of the chairs on the dining room was empty, and the cake was delicious too... But for some reason, it not tasted the same way like always, he looked at Hyungwon, the poor guy was a mess, he was eating so fast and leaving amount of food on his plate, clearly he was worried and for some reason... he was worried too.

Next was time to bring him the gifts, one by one, the members took seat on the couch making Minhyuk sit in the middle of the room, first it was Shownu's gift, he decided to give him a travel bag, too useful for him, Wonho's gift was too cute, it was a kind of shower set with a bath rope, face towels and slippers, all of them with a cute puppy embroider in them, Hyunwon's gift was a bodell coat, too expensive, he thought and when he was up to open Kihyun's gift, the door opened.

All the members turned his head to visualize the boy was entering, it was Changkyun... he was a mess, his jeans were covered a little with mud, half soaked and with red nose, Hyungwon approached him and Jooheon was with wide open eyes, Kihyun stood up and facing him, he started to scold him...

 

"Where were you?"  
"Kihyun... it's not time to scold" Hyungwon said giving him an annoying look  
"I told you..."  
"Kihyun, don't... he's here, can we continue, please?" Asked Wonho making Kihyun to realize that Minhyuk was in shock, his eyes focused on the boy.  
"You were about to open Kihyun's hyung gift, hyung... Let's open it, ok?" Said Jooheon trying to calm the atmosphere.

Minhyuk returned his look to the red packet in his hands, he opened, two pairs of T-shirt, he barely smiled, Jooheon approached his gift to Minhyuk and he opened... it was a videogame, he smiled and looked at Jooheon, and finally... it was Changkyun's turn.

 

"I hope you brought with you something special..." Kihyun whispered next to him  
"Can you stop bothering him, please?" Said Hyungwon

Changkyun was sitting in the middle of the two guys, he sighed and he grabbed something inside his jacket, he shows the evolved pack to Minhyuk.

"If I'm sincerely, I forgot to buy you something today..."  
"It doesn't surprise me..."  
"Yeah, I know..."

The rest of the members were tensed, both guy trying to have a kind conversation but the two personalities were colliding so hard, Minhyuk didn't want to take the gift of Changkyun's hands and the boy was feeling pain in his arm...

"You know that we will never get along, at least that's what you said that day"  
"I remember that... "  
"I will not let this end..."  
"What?"  
"Maybe I can't make you to love me like you love the rest of the guys, but just for today, let the things go well between us, after all, it's your birthday, hyung..."  
He was mute, Changkyun was smiling at him with all sincerity and he was kind of melted, the young rapper took Minhyuk's hand and put the pack in there, after that Changkyun move away from his seat and hugged Minhyuk.

"Happy birthday Minhyuk hyung"

But Minhyuk doesn't hug Changkyun back, after that, Changkyun apologizes and make his way to the shared room be followed by Hyungwon and by Jooheon's eyes, Minhyuk was on the rug looking at what he have on his hand, it was a letter, Changkyun's caligraphy on the paper...

No one of the members said a word, it was so weird Changkyun's attitude and now, Minhyuk was confused, Kihyun make his move and tried to make Minhyuk to open Starship CEO'S and Hongsik hyung gifts. In the room, Changkyun was preparing himself to take a shower when Hyungwon entered.

"Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine..."  
"You didn't text me... I was worried Kyunnie"  
"I know, I'm sorry hyung... I was doing stuff and I was so busy that I forgot to text you"  
"Why are you soaked and dirty?"  
"I fell on the floor while I'm runnning to the dorm"  
"Gosh Kyunnie, let me see your face"

 

Changkyun laughed, he run to the bathroom leaving Hyungwon on the room, at night, all the members were about to sleep, Changkyun was already in his bunk just like Kihyun, Jooheon and Minhyuk were on the living room turning off the TV, they decided to play videogames and after that, they decided to go to sleep.  
When Jooheon stood up he looked at Minhyuk, he was thinking and Jooheon approached him...

"What are you gonna do with that?"  
"Sorry?"  
"Are you gonna throw it to the trash?"  
"..."  
"Please Hyung... he wrote it so please..."  
"I wasn't up to throw it..."  
"Oh..."  
"Let's go to sleep"

***************************************************************

It was 2:17 am and Minhyuk was still awake... He was looking at the top of the bunk over him, he rolled to his right side facing the wall covered with photos and drawings, then que rolled to his back and left side facing Jooheon, he was snoring... he looked at the bedside table and the letter on there, he sighed and he grabbed it, he left the room and decided to go to the dorm’s rooftop, when he was there he was undecided to read it or not, finally biting his lip, he unfold the paper and started to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that this chapter has been to your liking, ummm ... I must warn you that this is not going to end as many of you think it will end, in fact this is the last chapter of the first part of the story, so... go make your theories about how this will end hehehehe


	6. If Only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If only I had been a better hyung"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter of the first part, sorry for update so late.

It was Saturday morning and he was already awake, the window was still closed and a small space between the curtains let one of the lights of the sun touch his cheek gently ... He smiled.  
Minhyuk stood up ignoring Kihyun's scolding, went to the bathroom and, after mocking Shownu (who was about to enter the bathroom), closed the door.

"What's wrong with him today?" Shownu asked Kihyun as he returned to his room.  
"I do not know ... he seems happier than usual"

When he finished showering, Minhyuk entered the room looking at only one person in his bunk, smiling, he decided to climb the stairs of the bunk, throwing his own body over the boy pretending to be sleeping, Changkyun moaned in pain and showed his face behind his sealed plushie, frowning.

"Time to wake up, baby," said the elder as he pinched Changkyun's nose  
"Why are you awake so early?" Changkyun yawn  
"Because today, you and I are going out," said Minhyuk, returning to his bed, beginning to get dressed.  
"What?"  
"Today I will take you to breakfast, you will decide where we will go"  
"You and me? Pff ... of course" Changkyun laughed sarcastically  
"Why are you laughing?" Minhyuk frowned making a pout.  
"Hyung, both we know that..."

Changkyun didn't finish talking because Minhyuk started to combing the hair with his fingers, was a very sweet touch that Changkyun wasn't able to continue speaking.

"Hurry, we are late"

Minhyuk smiled at him and left the room, Changkyun was in trance and after blinking a few times, he began to get dressed. Once he finished, he walked to the living room and there, lying on the couch, Minhyuk was really waiting for him, Changkyun was in silence and he was about to enter to the kitchen when his hyung talked to him.

"Time to go"  
"Uh... Hyung, listen... It's better if we take breakfast in home"  
"No, I want you to go with me, so let's go"

Minhyuk practically dragged Changkyun with him. In the car, Changkyun was in silence and Minhyuk didn't know what to do, he really wanted to go out with the maknae today so... it was a bad idea?   
When they entered the restaurant, the guys took seat in front of each other, the waiter brought them the menu and they started to read. Changkyun sighed; Minhyuk looked at him... how many years had passed? Only two and he was still trying to show the maknae that he really love him.

"Do... Do you really hate being with me?"

Changkyun looked at his hyung with wide eyes, Minhyuk was sad, his brilliant smile was transforming in tears that threaten to fall, it wasn't that he hate to be with him, it's just that Minhyuk barely showed affection to him that sometimes when the older approached to him for hugs, kissing or something like that, results scary.

"No” He finally said, Minhyuk passed saliva.  
"So...?"  
"Hyung... let's be honest, you're always clingy and cute with the others but when it's about me, it results weird"  
"It's because when I want to cuddle with you, you always run"  
"And I have my reasons"  
"Kyunnie..."  
"I mean, it is not that I don't like you...it's just that... well, sometimes it's hard to accept that you finally love me..." 

Ouch, that hurt him so much. He inhaled trying to get vanish that sensation of guilt, Changkyun noticed and he stop talking.

"Hyung... I..."  
"It's okay... I understand"  
"..."  
"..."  
"..."  
"Let's order"

And they stop talking, breakfast was uncomfortable that when they finished, both stand up and without word they started to walk, Changkyun in front and Minhyuk two steps behind him, the older was thinking about what Changkyun said and he remembered his letter...

***Flash Back***

_Minhyuk stopped reading; he didn't want to read anymore... Tears falling of his eyes soaking his cheeks, he sobbed, he ran his hand inside his hair desperately ... He was angry, sad and frustrated. All this time hating that boy, even he dared to punch him and now..._

_"I’m the most disgusting person in this world, don’t you think Jooheon?"_

_The guy approached him patting his back and Minhyuk cried again, rubbing his eyes he proceeds to kick the balcony..._

_"It was so bad?"_   
_"No..."_   
_"…"_   
_"It's just I can't understand"_   
_"What?"_   
_"He was hated, rejected, humiliated... I wanted him dead and..."_   
_"..."_   
_"Oh my gosh... I can't with this"_   
_"I know what it feels”_   
_"And you know what he did?"_   
_"..."_   
_"He recorded a Happy Birthday video of my family"_   
_"Oh!"_   
_"He sent me the video to my phone"_

_Minhyuk looked at his phone for the nth time, with tears he played the video once again just for hear his mom's voice._

_"We can't be able to visit our families because of our schedule..."_   
_"Even when he is from Gwanju too"_   
_"What?"_   
_"He's from Gwanju... That explains why he came late today"_   
_"He didn't visit his family..."_   
_"He went directly to your house..."_   
_"Gosh..."_   
_"Hyung... maybe, now…”_   
_"I know what to do Honey..." Minhyuk stared at Jooheon, his eyes were wet_   
_"That's correct"_   
_"Don't misunderstand me..."_   
_"What?"_   
_"I know what to do... but I don't think I can be able to do it"_   
_"Hyung..."_   
_"Besides... He's broken; I bet he won't accept it even if I kneel"_

***End of Flash back***

They stopped in a viewpoint, they looked for a bench and took seat, it was the beginning of the autumn and the wind was a little bit cold, Changkyun looked at the clouds and Minhyuk was desperated, silence was one of his worst enemies.

"Kyunnie..."  
"Yes?"  
"Are you happy?"  
"uh? What do you mean?"  
"If are you happy to be here"  
"Here? in this place?"  
"With us"  
"Oh..."

Changkyun looked at the floor, he was playing with his feet and Minhyuk was staring at him.

"Many times I was thinking to quit"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, I'm able to tolerate bad situations, my father teach me how to face them"  
"..."  
"But... well, I was never been hated that much to want me dead"

Changkyun wasn't saying that to make Minhyuk feel guilty, he was just being him, always sincere but it didn't mean that Minhyuk was not feeling hurt.

"I was about to quit but after to looked how much you guys worked so hard to being here, it remembered me how much I worked too to win a place... "  
"..."  
"So I decided to stay here, it didn't matter if anyone of you didn't loved me... I thought maybe, one day you would forgive me for steal your beloved friend's place and finally get along with me"  
"You didn't steal anything..."

Changkyun felt a hand rubbing his neck, he didn't do anything, just concentrate in the soft touch, Minhyuk's fingers playing with his hair.

"I know I wasn't the best hyung ever you had"  
"..."  
"But... Changkyunnie... I don't know what else I have to do"  
The youngest stared at Minhyuk, he was crying and Changkyun looked away.

"I'm sorry... I forgot how many times I apologized to you, but... each time I doing it again, I feel that you will never forgive me"  
"..."  
"And I'm just afraid... to been hated by you, I can bear hating myself but..."  
"I don't hate you, I never did"

Minhyuk bite his lip containing his tears, his heart was beating fast, he was playing akwardly with his hands, Changkyun sighted.

"Hate someone only poisons the heart, that's why I never hated you, no matter what you were saying or doing, I never hated you"  
"..."  
"I know you were in pain, you were upset... I was it too, both were broken"  
"Both?"  
"All of us were broken, and it's was so woderful to see how our pieces fitted together so well"  
"Like a puzzle?"  
"Yes, all of us were only pieces for a puzzle... Hey, hyung..." Changkyun looked at Minhyuk, his thumb cleaning the older's tears.  
"What?"  
"I've already forgive you long time ago"

Minhyuk felt arms enclosed him in a warm hug, he corresponded.

"I love you Hyung, so much"  
"..."  
"..."  
"I love you too... Changkyunnie"

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It was February 17th and Minyuk was waiting for Changkyunnie at the bus stop, he looked at his watch and suddenly, it stopped at seven minus five... His heart hurt him and after that, his cellphone vibrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank yoy for reading, now wait for the last part.

**Author's Note:**

> So? You liked it? I hope so... So, just wanted to say THANK YOU so much to follow and read me.


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